How sick are these???

For those of you that share my shoe fetish ... check these new releases:

Relaaaxxxx...

It's crazy how we can get all worked up, nervous with butterflies in our stomachs over job interviews, first dates, presentations, meeting the parents or a break-up; when no sooner does it happen, it's over.

After days, weeks, or even months of agonizing, the 5, 10, or 15 minutes it takes for the initial discomfort to wear off, you feel fine and relaxed. Leaving you wondering, "what was I getting so worked up about in the first place".

We've all experienced this, but yet whenever faced with an uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation the same feelings and emotions occur. People are generally afraid of being put on the spot or being the centre of attention in front of people they don't know or are unfamiliar with.

My suggestion to you is when you start to feel nervous, anxious or uncomfortable about a situation that has not yet happened:

1. take a deep breath
2. run through in your mind the reasons why you feel this way
3. be confident in who you are
4. use the opportunity to assert yourself
5. showcase who you are
6. smile!

By breathing, you're telling your body to relax. Going through the reasons why you feel nervous, or uncomfortable may make you realize how silly you're being. If you are confident in who you are, this will reduce or eliminate the fear of not been respected. As you assert yourself, people will be encouraged to respect you and this will also help to boost your own confidence. Showcasing who you are, will give your audience the feeling of being at "your show", where you're the star. Finally, smiling is the most disarming thing you can do, aggression, tension, resistance can all often be calmed with a smile or a laugh.

And finally ... just relax, what's the worst that could happen?

Honourable Mention: Apollonia Kotero

Real Hip-Hop: Fuck That Soldier Boy Shitttt!!

Akward Halloween Costumes

Does anyone find this funny or is it just me?

An In Depth Look at Why Women Cheat

I found this really interesting article on BOSSIP outlining the reasons why women cheat. The article outlines a really interesting point that I've never understood - when men cheat, we as women overlook it but when a woman cheats, it can never be forgiven. The answers to this question that I've heard have always related to the physical - having someone else pentrate the woman that you're with. This article identifies another reason; the fact that women are emotional beings and if we cheat, it's about more than just the physical. All in all, I'm old school and I don't agree with cheating on any level. Click on the link for in depth answers to why wome cheat. BOSSIP

10 Signs Your Co-Worker is Flirting with You

If your woman's intuition has ever told you that your male co-worker is flirting with you, these signs with confirm that gut feeling.

1. He casually touches you (nudges you, etc.)

2. Smiles suggestively

3. Teases you

4. Makes up nicknames for you

5. Offers to help you with work

6. Constistently compliments you on how you look

7. Stares at you from a distance

8. Asks if you're "involved" with anyone

9. Another co-worker jokes about him flirting with you

10. He passes by or runs into you throughout your daily schedule

The Latest And Greatest Pick Up Lines

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed Rock-

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

I wish you were my homework, so I could do you on the table.

And Yes for the beer drinkers-

You're so Hot, you're making my beer warm.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk passed you again.

Is that the sun coming up- or is that just you lighting up my world?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could be at this same place next year- together- and laughing?

And one of my favorites-

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.

H1N1 Vaccine

This is a topic that I believe everyone should be educated on, considering that we are all in contact with public facilities and socially interact with various individuals on a daily basis. The H1N1 flu (subtype of the influenza A virus) has been now been classified as a global pandemic. This creates the importance of making sure that we are all knowledgable about what exactly this virus is. With this virus, only a mild number of symptoms are experienced by its victims. There are small subsets of patients, even among young persons previously healthy, in which the patient rapidly develops severe pneumonia, typically 3 to 5 days after initial onset of symptoms. Deterioration can be very rapid, with many patients progressing to respiratory failure within 24 hours, requiring intensive care and ventilation support. And there is a somewhat different pattern in which a child, including a child who is generally quite healthy, seems to be recovering and then relapses with high fever. This can be a secondary infection of bacterial pneumonia, which needs treatment with antibiotics. Like other influenza viruses, novel H1N1 influenza is spread by coughing, sneezing, or touching contaminated surfaces and then touching the nose or mouth. Symptoms, which last up to a week, are similar to those of seasonal flu, and can include fever, sneezing, sore throat, cough, headache, and muscle or joint pains. To avoid spreading the infection, the CDC recommended that those with symptoms stay home from school, work, and crowded settings.

The Vaccination for the H1n1 Virus is now available. If you haven't given any thought as to whether you might get the vaccine, here is a list of individuals who at highest risk to the flu:

- people with chronic medical conditions under the age of 65

- pregnant women

- children six months of age to under five years of age

- people living in remote or isolated communities

- health care workers

- household contacts and caregivers of individuals who are at high risk

- all those with weakened immune systems (asmtha, diabetes, obesity, heart disease)

The Art of Driving in the Rain

Have you ever noticed that when it rains no one seems to know how to drive? Why is that? This morning I was driving to work and it took me 15 minutes from my destination, when it usually only takes me 7. I could understand pouring rain but it was drizzling and misty. The drivers around me felt it was necessary to drive 30 km/h in a 50 zone and you could see the hesitation backed up onto the main roads as people patiently waited to make left and right turns. Or you have the stupid drivers that like to slam on their brakes at yellow lights or drive in other peoples blind spots. Haven't you ever heard of being "too cautious"? What I seem to notice is that no matter how careful you try to be while it's drizzling outside, someone always seems to get themselves in an accident. So, instead of trying to drive carefully, try driving smart. Here are

a few tips for the road when it's wet outside:

- Break earlier and with less force

- Defog your windows

- Turn on your headlights: it helps other drivers to see you

- Don't use cruise control: your car might accelerate if you hyrdoplane

Funny Reasons to Get Married

From the man's perspective:

Sex
personal slave
key locator
wallet locator
food preparation
lunch packer
child nurturer
phone dialer
family birthday reminder
schedule coordinator


From the woman's perspective


stability
love
Body guard
Someone you can fart in front of and not get embarrassed
Lawn boy
Car Mechanic
ATM
Someone to confide in
Taste Tester for your cooking
Body Warmer

Why I love West Indian Women

1. Great in Bed

2. Great Cooks

3. Dress Well

4. Open Minded

5. Great Dancers

6. Stern With Children

7. Culturally Rich

8. Strong Morals

9. Educated

10. Resourceful (some atleast)

Honourable Mention: Bobbe J Thompson

If you've seen the movie Role Models, you're obviously familiar with the quick witted character of Ronnie played by 13 year old Bobbe J Thompson. This kid catches my eye for obvious reasons. I like to refer to him as the modern day Webster with balls. He started his acting career at the age of 5 and has appeared in movies such as My Baby's Daddy, Idelwild and Fred Claus. If you still don't know who I'm talking about, check out the clip. You won't be disappointed.

Gossip Guy?

I think the modern man, gossips more than the woman.

Actually no wait, what we men do is not gossiping, it's more shit talking, bragging, boasting and trading war stories.

Woman gossip, questioning what someone at work was wearing, how her date stayed in the corner all night at the party, why would she cut her hair like that, the colour of her nails, the curvature of her eyebrows and on and on and on.

While the men I know are not quite that bad, yet, they do tend to have similar conversations: poking fun at their muscle bound friend who buys XS shirts, questioning the manhood of their friend who lets their girlfriend walk all over them, making fun of the mohawk hair style that one follower friend just had to get, questioning if any friend that has recently started going to the gym is on steroids or discussing peoples relationships starting with "If I were him, I'd...".

Now that I think about it, I wonder if this is in fact a problem of gossip or passing on information or more so one of JEALOUSY.

Actually no I don't wonder, I know that it is. The world or more so the city we live in, its one of people not being happy for you, what you have? are doing? Instead, questioning why you have what you have? or how you got where you are? how you got with that girl? did you really get with that girl? why you have more money than I? why you dress so fly?

I say be happy with who you are, instead of being jealous of someone else, let what you see in them be motivation if you want to attain or achieve the same success or material gains. As you move through life remember that if you think that you'd rather be someone else, realize that if you were to change places with someone, know that you would no longer have your problems TRUE, but you would then have their problems.

This holiday seasons film recommendation: Trading Places (w/ Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd).
While it's a comedy there is a lot to be learned from the events that transpire in the movie.

Racism still exists ... believe it.

Mother's, a popular night club in Chicago, appears to be reinstating Jim Crow laws as they recently barred entry to six African-American patrons. The six students were part of a senior class trip of 200 students from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri and had made plans to visit the establishment. Upon trying to entering the venue, the Black students were denied entry and were told it was because their pants were too baggy.
Not believing the hype, a white student switched pants with one of his classmates and tried the entry process again. Lo and behold, the white student was still allowed in while the Black student was left outside.
The students have filed complaints with the Chicago Human Rights Commission, the Illinois Attorney General and the U.S. Department of Justice.
The management of Mother's has stated that there is an internal investigation but racism was not the cause. Their concern was reportedly safety issues.
Yeah right.

Article courtesy of hiphopwired.com

Suspect

Do you have friends who look like this?

Have you ever met someone who makes you think he is straight?

I am not too sure about this fellow right here he makes me nervous?

For all the crazy things he does throughout his musical career he does not have the gull to be wearing Michael Jackson outfits and

throwing temper tantrums like a five year old brat.

This week's suspect award goes to Kanye West. C'mon Son.... really.

This Just In...

“Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras."

10 Reasons to Drink More Water

Get Healthy Skin

Flush Toxins

Reduce Your Risk Of Heart Attack

Cushion And Lube Your Joints And Muscles

Get Energized And Be Alert

Stay Regular

Reduce Your Risk Of Disease And Infection

Regulate Your Body Temperature

Burn More Fat And Build More Muscle

Get Well

Are you a LOUD talker?

Do you know what really grinds my gears....Loud talkers people who feel that everyone needs to hear their entire conversation or entire life story. I am always amazed at how the other person they are talking to or shall I say yelling at doesn't tell them to lower their voice or speak lower.

I used to date a loud talker and would always have to remind her to speak softer. She would apologetically say "Sorry and speak quieter for me" . That's all it takes people simply telling someone to speak quieter and they lower their tone of voice.

Unless you are in bed being pounded like an old punching bag, I shouldn't have to hear you yelling about how good the movie was on the weekend or why your boyfriend doesn't wanna go see Sound of Music next weekend.

Makes me wanna hit them with the old " AHHHHHHHHH Shaaaaaaadddddddddaaaaaaapppppppp"

Seemed to work for me when I was younger.

Makeup.

I'm not a fan.

I love when you're at the grocery store and you see a girl looking at the magazines at the checkout in disgust at what celebrities look like without their makeup on. I wonder if they think they look any different without theirs.

I've always had a deep dark fear of being involved with someone, loving how they look at night, going to bed and waking up in the morning and not recognizing the persons naked face.

Makeup like ... blue cheese, has a name that accurately describes the object it represents. Blue cheese is old cheese that has "blue" fungus growing on it. Makeup, allows you to makeup a face for the day, or mask for the evening. That's what I don't like.

Be who you are, don't hide behind makeup. How can I think you're beautiful or fall in love with you if you keep changing everyday? Chameleon.

I haven't even mentioned the fact that it gets on my clothes when I hug you, my pillow when you lay in my bed, it makes you look ugly when you cry, shiney when you take pictures and like a mannequin when piled on.

If I could ... I would order me a natural girl, real hair, real face, real blemishes, true skin tone, real breasts, real lips, real rear end and an even realler personality.

At the end of the night, everyones make up comes off.

Bathroom Etiquette

Lesson #2 - Talking on the phone while in the washroom should never happen! If you think about it logically for a moment, what conversation are you having that is so important and immediate that you can't get off the phone for the 1-10mins it will take you to do your business?Stories of people dropping their phone in the toilet is a result of karma, for all the people they subjected to hearing them tinkling or plunk, before finally being subjected to the flush.

Are you a stupid female?

During many conversation with a good friend of mine, we have both came to the realization that there are a lot of stupid females out there who may not be too bright in the mental department. Let me further explain for those of you who may be new and not know what characteristics these dumb females possessl.

First of all these dumb females do the following:

1. Repeatedly ask the same questions over and over again
2. Repeatedly do the same idiotic things and when you confront them they don't know why your upset
3. Are too laid back
4. Are more concerned with issues that will not advance their careers or their personal upliftment
5. Watch ignorant shows and wonder why you think they are ignorant
6. Excessively talk on the phone
7. Are stubborn even though the advice you give them is for their own benefit
8. Are always the one being screwed over in a relationship, and never seem to understand why
9. Say dumb things and then ask you if that was dumb
10. Make you wanna slap them whenever you hear them or even see them
11. Do not know how to drive
12. Have poor money management skills
13. Are followers in every sense of the word
14. Surround themselves with a network of failures, flunkies and dweebs
15. Spend most of their time concerned with what you are doing and not on what they should be doing
16. GREAT IN BED

Are you a stupid female ? If you are offended by reading this and you feel this is about you chances are you or someone close to you qualifies.

Sprite Anyone?

What's with all the emails???

If you work in an office you can likely relate to this phenomenon.

People send emails about any and everything ... I'm really curious as to what happened prior to email in the workplace.

-Were there constant announcements over the office PA system like in elementary school?

-Did they have meetings and huddles any time there was cake in the break room or someone left their lights on, or there was a bake sale in the cafeteria?

-Was there an office messenger boy who went from department to department carrying messages like old yellar or the town crier?

I am genuinely curious about this.

The interesting thing is that, the messages you receive are not of a time sensitive nature, nor are they all that important or pertinent to you as an employee or individual.

This is why, when I come back from vacation to a sea of emails, instead of diving in and sifting through the rubble, I simple hold down the delete button until there's nothing left.

Don't even get me started on voicemail!

10 Reasons to Date A Soccer Player

*~*Top Reasons To Date a Soccer Player*~*
1. We have the right touch.
2. We are used to scoring.
3. We can go in soft or hard.
4. We will make you scream for more.
5. Sweating is no problem.
6. Skill is definite.
7. We will play anywhere and anytime.
8. We can go for 90 minutes in at least 11 different positions.
9. We have tremendous stamina & endurance.
10. We always are on the top.
11. We are not afraid to get down and dirty.
12. We have good ball skills.
13. We play the field until we score.
14. We know how to take it down the middle.

Whats with the Nerd Glasses?

Hey Point Dexter, Hey Urcle !!!

What is with the Nerd glasses these days who are you Clark Kent or Wayland Smithers?

In the last year I have witnessed peoples glasses get thicker and thicker and now they look like black licorice around their eyes. I have witnessed numerous people walking around with these on and it makes me wanna wear them now. SYYYYKKKEEEEE!!!
I literally cannot stand them it makes me wanna sucker punch you.

This has been another rant from Two Grasshoppers.

Men SHOULD have sideburns not women?

Hey how you doing?

Today's post come from the mind of a man who sees things as it is and says it how it is...nothing more, nothing less. Most of these ideas, jokes and concepts come from riding public transportation and passing time by people watching. Now for all of you who do not know what people watching is let me quickly explain this to you. People watching is when you fall back and watch people walk by you and you observe their character by looking at their actions or even their conversation if you are close enough in proximity.

Well this morning during my usual people watching on the subway on my way to work, I noticed something rather disturbing almost annoying if you will. Women with sideburns..... yeah I said it, " I meant it and I am here to represent it". Women with sideburns is not only disgusting but makes me feel less of a man because your side burns are two times the size of mine with depth, color and longevity. All jokes aside really though " Why are your side burns so dawm long and thick" it makes me wonder, are they there for sexual purposes. In the heat of the moment do you yell at your partner " PULL MY SIDEBURNS, BITCH PULL MY SIDEBURNS!!!!"



As I sat there staying into space this ladies sideburns caught my hair, (no literally I turned around to look at someone and her sideburn clipped my eye! Makes me think of Wolverine or Ashanti in her earlier days. Now ladies if you have thick sideburns and are sitting there reading this offended or insecure this is a sign to cut that shit down, wax it, shave it, take a lawn mower to it or just tape it up Fuck I don't care what you do just get rid of it. I suggest if you have long hair just wear your hair down, man do something. Who are you Elvis ?

That is all.

Creative Halloween Costumes

Every Halloween theres always that one costume that stands out above the rest.

Here are some that caught my eye. They are interesting to say the least.

Apple vs. Coffee

If you're anything like me, you start your day off with a cup of coffee or tea. Something hot and soothing and that gets you going in the

morning. Now, although coffee and tea provide you with antioxidants, they also contain tannins that interfere with the body's absoption of iron. Iron, as many of us know helps to form red blood cells and circulate

oxygen throughout the body, in turn, giving us more energy. So, next time you need a "pick me up", as I call it, try an apple. The natural sugars from an apple will help you to maintain your energy levels throughout the

day, instead of feeling even more tired than before once the sugar rush wears off from the caffeine in the coffee or tea you just drank.

Just a thought.

Have you ever wondered if the five dollar bill in your wallet was ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, I'm sure you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

Lesson: Always wash your hands, especially after dealing with money.

Previously I was unaware ... but now I know.

What's the difference between a joke and a lie?

Has anyone ever had you believe something that was not true for an extended period of time, then to say once you confront them about it ... "it was a joke".

That's not a joke, that's what you call a LIE.

To me ... a joke is meant to be shared and enjoyed at the time it is made (except for those slow people who get it a few hours later). (ex "What did the hand say to the face? SMACK!")

Conversely ... a lie is stating something opposite to or in direct contradiction to the truth.

I know I've been guilt of saying the most random ridiculous things and to help the audience feel less offensive, break the tension with a "just joking". But that's completely different.

Ex. "I want to have a threesome with you and your sister."
"What?!?!?"
"Just joking"
-funny-

Versus

Ex. "I think I might have given you something, you should go to the doctor right away and get checked out, because I'm on my way now ... I'm so sorry"
"Damn! Ok thanks for the heads up."
(Week or 2 later)
"Did you get checked out? haha ..."
"Yeah I did, whats so funny?"
"Hahaha ... I was only joking."
-not funny-

Heads up to all lying jokers. The next person who tells a joke lie to me ... I'm going to calmly raise my hand from my side, if in that time you don't realize what is happening, I'm sure you soon will.

Bathroom Etiquette

Lesson #1 - while I'm standing at the john, holding my manhood, this is not the time to ask me: How my day is going? What I'm doing for the weekend? What's this discoloration? Can I help? Why you so big? or any other question of that nature. As a matter of fact, you should say nothing! I've heard people compare "taking a leak" to having sex (in terms of the release and feeling of relaxation). Keep that in mind, when you think to "make conversation" while I'm trying to relieve myself.

Facts Every Woman Should Know: Part I

1. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your

physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership.

2. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and

are unwilling to forgive, break their own hearts.

3. Don't judge ALL men by one man's actions; unless you want ALL

men to judge you by the acts of amoral women.

4. Never allow emotionally bitter women to influence you

concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred will soon become

yours.

5. Don't deceive yourself, once you have had sex with a man who is

not your husband...he may never admit it but he has lost a degree of

respect for you.

6. Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity

and vibrant personality will never be able to change him. If you are

trying to change him, this should be a clear enough sign to let him

go.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE.................

What I really mean is......Ladies pay attention Pt.2

Hey y'all it's time to get ready for another episode of " WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS?"

1) That's what your wearing- Please don't wear that you look awful
2) I am tired- I am not horny at all
3) I have work in the morning- It's time for you to go
4) I am not like other guys- I am exactly like other guys, but I feel it is important to say this
5) Stop being a bitch- Stop sticking up for yourself and let me be in control
6) What?- Are you an idiot
7) Forget it- You really are an idiot
8) I will call you later- I certainly won't call you until I am horny....later
9) Maybe we should be friends- Your neediness is a turnoff
10) Why are you so emotional?- You are turning me off with your constant need for reassurance
11) That's your sister?- Wow! I should have talked to her instead
12) Nice shoes- I would really like to fuck you in those
13) I really like your jeans- I would really like to take those jeans off of you
14) You have nice lips- Nice lips for some head


Ladies these are just some of the things I have said, heard or hear on television frequently. What do you think?

Words of Advice

Is there anything more trendy right now then ...

• nerd glasses?


• mohawks?


• skinny jeans?


• retro gear?


• wallet chains?


• white girls?


• listening to Drake?


• bandito neck scarves?

... not that there is anything wrong with this, just asking questions. Actually, no there is something wrong with this, you look like if Kanye West, Kid Cudi, the Jonas brothers and Chris Brown had a love child.

When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, theres only one person you'll see. YOU!

Today's words of advice are: "Be yourself."

1 Plus Two makes Three

Is it wrong for me to want another woman in my relationship? This has been the question of many males for generations.
In many ways this question has been answered by doing various underhanded things or even overhanded things to accomplish this.

I have always been aroused by the thought of having two wives, that's right I said it, meant it and am here to represent it WIVES!
It would be the next best thing to having a black man's penis. First of all, having one woman that you love, trust and grow with on every level is amazing. It saves you so much time and money wasted on dating, updating your material goods and in some cases grooming yourself continuously. I am fortunate enough to have found that special someone who I plan to spend the rest of my life with. However, there is that little fantasy in my mind that is still roaming around my self-conscience asking me
"why not another?"

Now ladies before you go off into a speech about men and how we are unreasonable or then " why can't we have two husbands?" think about this concept for a minute.

1) You will always have a partner to help clean, dress and take care of the kids
2) On nights where you are tired and want to get some rest have the other wife fuck your husband
3) Dinner Sminner you can now both share the responsibilities
4) On Birthdays and Christmas you can now get double the gifts
5) Sex will be that much more pleasurable because you can have somebody to hold your hair while giving felatio
6) You also have an excercise partner when its time to go to the gym
7) You can not only share your husband but share each others clothes (Yeaaaahhhh!!!!)
8) No more worrying about doing your hair you can do eachothers
9) Car pool to work in the morning
10) Thanksgiving dinner just got more interesting

These are just some ideas I have been kicking around in my head and there are many more reasons...

Now for men come on do I really have to write a list for you?

Stay tuned for the reasons why this would benefit for men... The post will be called " Two wives to One Guy for Dummies"

Andrea Sorres: Workout regime and Brazilian Models

Have you ever ???

• been heartbroken


• (knowingly) broken someones heart


• been cheated on


• cheated on someone


• lied and even when caught continue to lie


• blamed someone else when you were to blame


• kept quiet when speaking up could have helped someone else


• lied about a sexual conquest


• lost you temper because you were rejected (by the opposite sex)


• stalked or overpursued someone you liked (until they lost interest)


• claimed to be something you're not


• tried to fit in at the expense of being yourself


• hidden from someone in a public place


• pretended to be on the phone to avoid talking to someone


• pretended to be on the phone to "look cool"

Aries Spears Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation

Arnold Schwarzneggar Impersonation funny as hell

DMX AND ARIES SPEARS SKIT!!!

AZ- Gimme Yours Throwback Video of the Week

This Week's Hottie's