HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

We at twograsshoppers would like to wish all our readers and family a Happy New Year and successful 2010.

Our words of advice or wisdom are echoing many of the thoughts you've heard from us time and time again, break out of your normal box - try something new and different, travel - see a place you've never been before, expose yourself to a new culture.

Don't get caught waiting on someone to do what YOU want to do, or have always longer for.

Live YOUR life to the fullest. Fear nothing!

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Ps. Like the picture suggests, beware of the haters in twenty ten!

Skillz 2009 Wrap Up

We thought this was a great wrap up of 2009 and hope you have a great 2010. Have a happy and safe New Year!!

2009 Wrap Up

- Two Grasshoppers -

2009 is Over...Hello 2000 and 10

With all the maylay from 2009, the good times and the bad times. It makes me wonder what happened to one of the most influential years of all time ?

This year was significant for a number of reasons. First of all, it was a year of reflection and relaxation. It has also been a year of exhaustion and sickness.

I now accept the fact that 2009 is coming to a closure and that we are now approaching 2010 are you ready ? Is anyone ?

Let's really hope so dawmmit! This one is going to be different.

On a more random note does anyone remember these past events, fashions and trends of 2009.

1. Kim Kardashian

2. Tiger Woods Cheating on His Wife

3. Michael Jackson Passing

4. Lil Wayne going to jail for Gun Posession

5. Tight Jeans are in and they are in full effect

6. Obama Elected as President of the United States of America

7. Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

8. Kanye West interupts Taylor Swift acceptance speech and officially embarasses himself

9. Avatar is released and sets the tone for CGI movies

10. Two Grasshoppers gets 11,000 hits after 6 months of launching with no promotion.

2009 Fashion Police

1. Murses - What's that, you ask? A man's purse, European carry all, a man bag. All of which seem to have made a triumphant comeback this year replacing the long gone fanny pack. I don't know who thought this was necessary and what prey tell does a man need that can't fit in his pockets?


2. Bandito Scarves - You know what I'm talking about. The scarves that look like table cloths, usually in white and some printed pattern. Men, woman, children, celebrities, homeless, bankers, drug dealers, were all wearing them. I refused to succumb to the societal pressure and if you did too: Bravo!


3. Tight Pants - Ohhh how we at twograsshoppers have made our opinion of these garments known throughout the year. If your legs can't breath, if you can't bend your knees when you walk or can't sit down (like Kramer in that episode of Seinfeld), if you put your keys in your pocket and people across the room know you drive a Hyundai, they're too tight.


4. Wallet Chain - Why? Just Why? Because it provides extra security? NO! It will more likely get you roughed up. Imagine you're a pick pocket and you grab someones wallet, which has a chain attached to it extending to their belt, imagine your annoyance! You would likely pull your victim to the ground by this same leash and beat them for being so lame!


5. Nerd Glasses and attire - If you don't need glasses why are you wearing them? What's next using a wheel chair because it's easier than walking? Walking with crutches because you only stole the left shoe from Footlocker? You're sending false signals. You might actually have someone stop you and ask you a question because they think you're smart! Don't lead people on, nerd glasses for nerd, I mean people who are near or far sighted.

Merry Holidays!

We at twograsshoppers, hope you had a great, relaxing and nourishing holiday season.

This has been a busy year for the grasshoppers and we're sure it has been for you all too, keep checking in, keep reading and gosh darnit start commenting on what you're reading.

Let us know if you're enjoying our work, loathing it but can't stop checking in or are just plain speechless.

Live. Love. Laugh.

The Perfect Dress

If you haven't found the perfect New Years Eve dress yet, here are some dresses that are highly recommended by me.


Guess - $118.00


Armani Echange - $129.00


Armani Exchange - $89.00


Forever 21 - $27.80

- Aspiring Aries -

Charlie Murphy is hilarious

Christmas Eve ... @ work.

Christmas eve, should be treated like a Snow Day (see previous post http://thetwograsshoppers.blogspot.com/2009/12/snow-day.html).

I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here. Your clients don't want you to call them and wonder what kind of company you work for that has you there, away from your family, during the holidays.

But, still you have to put in you time. As your mind is filled with ideas of anything put here, you can't concentrate long enough to do a productive minute of anything.

Ah well, still getting paid and maybe we'll get let go early ... HA!

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your day, family, food, drinks and the true meaning of the season.

When ladies drink ... too much

As told from a female perspective ...

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING 'WOO-HOO!' IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S BUTT AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE 'OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!'

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATS US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE CHARDONNAY.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop ... or THE BATHMAT ?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

Can you think of any others that come to mind? Either from your own personal experience or stories you've heard? How do guys act and what do they do when they've had too much to drink?

With two days left, the Christmas rush is officially on. With this being said, I would
like to remind everyone how fortunate most of us are. This is the season for giving and
sharing with those who don't have much. So, in the midst of rushing through the mall
and completing your Christmas lists, pick up something extra for someone less fortunate.
There are toy, food and clothing drives all around the city. And if buying something is
too much of a hassle find something from home or go online and donate to a charity. If
you're having trouble finding a charity here are some of my favourites:

Make a Wish Foundation
Toy Mountain
Sick Kids Foundation

Hold yourself accountable

"Do not expect of someone, what you wouldn't expect of yourself." -That Guy

That's not meant to be a deep, reflective statement, but that's what just came to mind as I sat here and contemplated.

My frustration with woman and dating has been well documented throughout my posts, if you haven't caught on to that, then reread them. But, I can't help but wonder if I'm not partially to blame for the monsters I've created. No, I didn't make them self-conscious, stubborn, bitter, recently divorced, widowed or frustrated with dating, but I have perpetuated those feelings, I think.

It's not easy for me to hold myself accountable for anything having to do with these creatures, but I figured I'd give them some benefit of the doubt and man up.

For example:

• If you know that someone is an alcoholic and you invite them to your wine tasting party, you have to hold yourself partially responsible for them falling off the wagon, no?
• If you know someone that is "on a diet" and struggling with their food "addiction", maybe having your dinner party at The Mandarin (chinese buffet) was not the best idea?

And in my case:

• If I know this person is in to me, while I'm not in to them, more than just for "some fun", yet I continue to "have fun" with them, I should expect some fallout or ramifications to my actions right? The least of which are excessive phone calls, BB msgs, random comments and hints to the feelings or wantings of more.

Let's get real, it's easy for me to take my normal approach, reasoning and thought process, that this person is a grown up, an individual that should be able to make their own choices and life decisions, right?

But, me knowing their weakness to chocolate like a diabetic or for rum to an alcoholic, krytonite to Superman, white girls to black guys, sex to a Eric Benet; should make me more aware and cautious in my actions. I should be more mindful of what I'm doing, saying, inferring or suggestion with my action or inaction.

While I expect this person to know better, to know that this "is what it is", that we are just friends, that "I don't like you like that", I'm sure they also expect me to do the same; ignore the fact that their mouth is not in connection with their actions, that their feelings are free flowing like Niagara Falls, that their emotional instability teamed with their genetic makeup will not allow them to act and be as I am.

This revelation encourages me to, take a breath before blowing my top and take a bigger breath before answering that call or message. Be honest with myself and with them too. Is it really that hard to realize, "I'm just not that into you?"

Motivational Quote of the Day

The Dictionary is the only place where you will find success before work.

Mark Twain

Sean Combs Personality Guidelines

P’Diddy’s personality guidelines:

Have absolute faith in something higher than yourself i.e. a God or deity
Dress extravagantly
Do not rest, work as though you have abnormal stamina
In public act as though you’re the reason everyone else is there
Pay full attention to even the smallest details of every service or product you endorse
Inspire everyone around you when required
Display confidence by strutting like a king
Make time to party hard and enjoy yourself
Establish a network of contacts with potential and existing talent
Celebrate in style when you have achieved something great
A Diddy Quote; “Anything you put your mind to, anything you want to accomplish, you put your faith in God's hands you can do it.”


http://www.mycomeup.com/web/component/k2/item/99

This is Christmas pt.2

I thought Christmas was a time about family, friends and good music ? What are you an idiot. Christmas is not about going to Church and being happy that Jesus Christ was born on December.25.2009, it is about rushing into any of the hungry retailers to buy your love for your family and extended family. It is the season of giving, and it encourages everyone to spend money that they don't have.

I personally do not like Christmas due to the media's glorification of consumerism and equating gifts with love. There is no such thing as Santa Claus and I am not, I repeat not raising my nephews or daughter with this Westernized marketing belief.
I figured this out when I was five years old. I had waited until 1 o'clock in the morning for Santa's Bitch ass to make his way down my chimney and did he, hell no. After that, I hated Santa Claus and anyone else stupid enough to believe in him. Similar to the Easter Bunny and any other bullshit marketing scheme I really like to look past all of these things and spend time with the people I love.

Love is not good enough in some cases. I mean what happens when you go to a family function and you don't have a gift for your " Secret Santa" (which is stupid mind you) you probably would be asked to leave or step aside.

Now as for the kids, I understand Christmas is a time to get what you wanted all year and blah blah blah, however if you are old enough to work or save up your allowance and buy it for yourself, don't expect a gift from me. Learn to hustle with your lazy ass.

Seriously though, all jokes aside it is getting worse and worse with this gift giving pressure. This year I don't expect a gift from anyone and won't even be mad if I don't get one. I make enough money so I can buy whatever I want or need on my own. I suggest you adopt the same principle and if your old ass is still expecting a gift like you are 8 years old, keep waiting.


Oh by the way Merry Christmas to all....

So This Is Christmas ?

#12 – Christmas songs actually make you spend money :: From malls to street corners the tunes of the holidays remind us that we have gifts to buy in order to show our holiday spirit

#11 – Jack frost nipping at your everything :: Shopping in cold weather sucks, but so does Christmas in a warm climate (I’m in San Diego…it just doesn’t feel right.)

#10 – Starbucks is the most festive place on earth :: With 6 disgustingly festive drinks, 10 holiday mix/remix CD’s, and a plethora of decorations and themed mugs, its almost the perfect place to shop for loved ones (relax…I said almost!)

#9 – Christmas lights cannot be left up all year :: It would be so much easier if we could just turn them off and leave them up for the other 11 months, but noooo!

#8 – There is no Santa! :: When you’re an adult, wish lists are like holiday order forms. You might as well give me a gift card and save me the effort of returning the uh…”surprise” you bought for me on the 24th.

#7 – There are not enough weekends in December :: People have started to send out “save the date” emails in October… that’s just not right.

#6 – Jingle guilt, jingle guilt, jingle makes you pay :: The same sad looking little old men and women get posted by the salvation army every year to ring jingle bells that remind us that we are evil if we don’t put something in the big red bucket.

#5 – There’s no tradition of dressing slutty :: Ladies, you do it for Halloween, why not Christmas. I’d be very happy to unwrap a present with little more than a bow on it.

#4 – Egg Nog and Brandy :: Contrary to popular belief, this combination makes NO ONE happy. Not even grandma.

#3 – Hoe Hoe Hoe :: Because Christmas music has no shame and you get the Top 5 Christmas Rap Albums featuring “Christmas on Death Row”…really?

#2 – You get judged by the size of your package :: Good things come in small packages only works if its jewelry.

#1 – And the number one reason Christmas sucks (but we love it anyway)…because we have to wait 353.25 days to do it all again.

This article has been referenced from:

http://www.dtelepathy.com/blog/news-events/12-reasons-christmas-sucks-but-we-love-it-anyway/

Thinking of starting a business?

Keep the following in mind:

Accept the demoralizing stage. Starting out in business with no reputation and little experience will lead to rejections. But accept this dim period, it’s this stage that separates the wannabes from the gonna-bes. So be prepared to be treated unfairly at the start until the unfairness is tired of bothering you.

Accept feeling lonely. When starting out in business you usually have more responsibility than your friends or family. But you must accept this so that you can use the all your time to achieve your goal.

Setbacks. No matter how many plans you write, how many qualifications you have on your C.V. making mistakes in business is set in stone. So don’t hold yourself back by being afraid to make mistakes, instead release yourself into the unknown and learn.

Working longer hours. When working for yourself it’s vital that you stay on top of things. With less capital than large corporations, you need to get a lot of work done by yourself. In order to do this you need to utilize your full 24 hours effectively.

Facing your fears. When starting a business getting results will usually call for you to step out of your comfort zone. But, in order to move to the next level, you will have to get used to facing your fears. This might feel nerve wracking but when you get rewarded for your hard efforts with cash I’m sure you’ll look back on those awkward situations with a smile.

Article courtesy of - mycomeup.com

Here's a playlist for you!

Amidst the talk about the white, the self proclaimed "Snowman" is also a motivational speaker, giving you some real talk and words of a true hustler.

1) "Hustlaz Ambition"

"Might not just be the best just know I plan to be I refuse to let suckers win but that's just the man in me look it could be the G in me these n***** ain't seein me unless they see me in traffic in somethin topless and drasticsI say I grind like there's 10 of me I swear to God there's just one of me look I know I ain't there yet Just know that I'm gonna be I could'nt wait to see the day I could change where my momma stay... I put the B.S. BEHIND ME... THERES TOO MUCH MONEY IN FRONT OF ME... "

2)"I Keep Tellin' Myself"

"Look him dead in his eyes told him n**** let's get it And the homie in the mirror said, 'n**** I'm wit it' You want it done right, you gotta do it yourself That's what I keep tellin' myself(I keep tellin' myself)I'ma keep it real til my very last breath That's what I keep tellin' myself(I keep tellin' myself)That's why I stay on my grind cause it's all about the wealthThat's what I keep tellin' myself(I keep tellin' myself)"

3) "Black Dreams"
"Say you want this money n**** so what da hell is stoppin ya.

Nothing in ya way, so what the hell is blockin ya Can't be worried bout dem haters homie got to shake them off of ya"

4) "Let's Get It / Sky's The Limit"
"The world is yours and everything in itit's out there get on your grind and get it "ay"Hands in the air, "sky's the limit n****" hands in the air"

5)"Thug motivation"
"If you can stack a grand you can stack Ten dawg By any means necessary, just win dawg You still staying with your momma what you kidding me You apart of a billion dollar industry Just think about it, you better do the math Quit playing with it pimpin, you better do the math Young n**** get content with a pair of Jordan’s Me I’m trying to stack my bread up like Jordan"

6)"The inspiration"
"They say your pass is your present and your present is your cash So I look forward to the future"

7) "Circulate"
"Sitting here staring at this empty safe Like what the f*** im gonna do with all this empty space Got me looking at my bills, like this aint my place You know i never stop the partyBut that aint my place And im never giving up, that aint my place If it was my case, Then i plee the 5th But the way im feeling now, might drink me a fifth"

8)"Soul Survivor"
"(Let's Get It) No nuts, no glory (no glory)My biography, you damn right, the true story (Yeah) Set the city on fire, and I didn't even try (try)Run these streets all day, I can sleep when I die "

9) "You know what it is"
"I sleep when I'm gone, yeah I'm tryna get to it It's like a Nike campagne the way ya' boy just do it Aye!, the paper keeps coming yeah, it flows like fluid Get a 50 pack and we run right through it"

10) "Say I"
"My nephew getting grown and starting to talk Now my mom's got sick and she can't walk No high school diploma But I know mathAin't write one song and she still want half Dead beat dad is what the media say Best father in the world is what my son will sayb Won't stop til you roll, that's what his mom's going to say But hey That's the type of game you play The media talk so bad about me The streets doing so bad without me Can't band the snowman This is thug motivation is just part of the program The first day of class and all you gotta do is stack cash to pass"

Article courtesy of - mycomeup.com

Tips To Impress Your Boss and Avoid Being Laid Off

Tips & Warnings

Arrive to work a few minutes earlier than most employees.

Offer to do tasks that you were not hired to do.

Have a friendly, pleasant attitude regardless of issues at home.

Avoid lateness; call ahead if you are running late.

Never, ever say "that not my job."

Be aware of other employees pushing your emotional buttons.

Friends with benefits.

Friends with benefits do not work. Ever! Doubt me? Here are the reasons why.

1. There is an expiry date. While this may work for both of you know, it will eventually get old. Not because you want the other person to be your significant other, but because as humans our natural inclination or focus is for some form of progress. A stagnant relationship based purely on sexual interaction will be fun and enjoyable until you hear about or see your peers enjoying real, grown up relationships.
   
2. One of you will break the deal. In any relationship of this nature, it is understood that this is a purely physical agreement, however, regardless of how many times this is reiterrated, one of the parties will break the deal and invite their emotions to the bedroom. This is not the type of threesome your partner was suggesting.
   


3. They never end well. Either for the reasons above or the one I'm about to mention, they never end well. Ultimately the friend with benefits is just a place holder, a seat filler, someone holding a spot in line. So when you do meet someone that you actually want to have a relationship with, or see a future with you end your arrangement with you friend. This will leave them upset, feeling cheated, disappointed that you didn't pick them.
   


4. Feelings could develop.That's very true, they could. Ed McMahon could bring a suitcase of money to you (instead of that stupid oversized sweepstakes cheque) and pigs could be the ultimate form of flight transportation in the future. Sorry excuse my scenism, but I'm a strong believer in self fulfilling prophecies. If I have in my mind that you're just a "toy" I'm going to think of you that way, it'll be hard for me to adjust my thinking to treat you like a true potential mate all of a sudden.
   


5. Sex is not enough. Although this is the cornerstone of this whole arrangement. It's not enough. One day your friend will say something that makes you question their intentions or is a complete turn off or you find disrespectful and you'll think to yourself, the sex just isn't worth it. As you mature, your priorities change, you may learn self control and you may realize sex is not a need but rather a want.

These are the reasons why I don't think these arrangements are such a good idea. What are your thoughts? Do you think friends with benefits can co-exist for an extended period? Is it ok to go on dates with your "friend"? Why was this ever thought to be a good idea?

Random Thought Tuesdays pt.2

In reference to " That Guy's" post I must admit I do have some Random Thoughts myself which have been dying to come out. Here goes nothing:

- These pretzels are making me thirsty

-Do what you feel and Never follow

- So what you are making some money now and you think you are more of a man than me ?

- I like big butts and I can't deny

- So what's up with Racism these days ? Can't you be black and successful or is that still a crime ?

- Chinese women have nice legs

- I wish I could fuck every girl in the world

- Really your just gonna wear your pants that.... tight ?

- Why is it so hard to have your own business in Canada

- Does Bank's really hold onto your money and if so why can't I have all of it right now

-What's with everyone and their cellphones nowadays

-Mariah Carey would get pounded harder than two 15's in a speakerbox in a Cadillac Truck

-Does anyone really listen to Star from Star and Buckwild, he is funny as hell

-Okay really, when did dressing like an 90's rockstar become cool

-Reading is fundamental, everyone should read more

- Dancing with the stars is a show for black runner ups. Black people are definitely not winning that contest.

- Filapina women are so pretty I just wish they had asses.

-Black men can have one women (per day)

-Toronto Raptors are like having unfulfilling sex. Fucking frustrating.

- War huh....what is it good for absolutely nothing.

- I am the man. PERIOD!!!

- Cocaine is a hell of a drug and it is getting cheaper.

-50 cent is a powerful businessman

-Bow Wow put your shirt back on, buddy you are not muscular

-Janet Jackson needs to get married, have a legitimate kid and stop singing

- Who the fuck dresses Reggie Evans ?

- I love my wife...Marriage is the shit

-Pregnancy is the new Gay

Random Thought Tuesday

• There are a lot of gay men in Atlanta and DC.


• Rihanna's crazy ass could still get it.


• Tiger Woods cheated, this is no longer news, move on.


• Chris Brown still sounds like a young MJ (despite his domestic abuse issues).


• Pizza day is not the answer to employee dissatifaction.


• Cake for every occasion in the workplace is not healthy (see Seinfeld episode).


• iPhone is a cool gadget or toy, Blackberry is a business machine.


• Friends with benefits don't work, ever! (more on this later).


• All these dance along songs, won't last longer than a snowball in the desert.
• Monkey playing the guitar.


• Racism is still alive, use it as fuel and keep it moving.


• "Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls I do adore..." (Biz Markie voice)


• "I'm in love with these two chicks, I don't know which one to pick..." (Mr. Cheeks voice)


• Greed is detrimental to you and everyone around you (see the 7 deadly sins)


• Christmas is not about expensive, useless gifts.


• Please don't buy me anything, expecting something in return (Note: friends with benefits, don't work).


• No we cannot go on a date or anything that resembles that, we're not dating!

If you have a random thought, don't hesitate to add it, I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Do you Have The Balls ?

Hey everyone,

Today is December 15th, 2009 and I am here to ask one question and one question only?

Do you have the balls ? Balls is metaphorically a word used for immense courage, many people expect to get results by being courageous, however are never courageous enough to actually make the changes necessary to get those results. So for the rest of the year I challenge all of our readers to accept the " balls out " technique and be courageous with us here at Two Grasshoppers.

1. Stand up to your parents
2. Stand up to your in-laws
3. Stand up to your boyfriend/girlfriend
4. Go out to a club by yourself
5. Go for a long walk in unfamiliar surroundings
6. Buy that item you always wanted
7. Talk to that special someone you always wanted to
8. Face the Truth and own up to your responsibilities
9. Raise your child once it is born instead of running like a chicken with their head cut off
10. Try eating different foods from different cultures
11. Sky dive
12. Simply do anything that scares you
13. Listen to Ja-Rule (Yeah I said it)
14. Watch all 5 movies of Saw
15. Go for a walk at night


Simply do anything that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable. There is nothing to be afraid of except fear itself. Always remember you create this fear and no one else. I know you can overcome your fears if you want to. You just have to be willing to face those fears.

Hustler's Creed

"Hustler's don't sleep, we rest one eye up..." - Jay-Z

"Don't sleep cause sleep is the cousin of death ... " - Nas

Avoid complacency, laziness and inactivity at all costs, there is always something that you could be doing. Time that could be better spent.

While you're busy sleeping, there is someone out there working and getting things done!

Success = Hardwork + Determination

This is officially our 700TH POST!!!

Wowzers!

We've had a lot to say since our sites inception, we will have a lot more to say in the future as well.

There will be some changes and growth in the new year so stay tuned.

We need your support and input to continue to improve our blog. Any topic suggestions, content objections or general reactions, don't hesitate to comment or send us an email.

If you enjoy the blog keep visiting and showing your support, if you don't continue to visit because we know haters love to see what the next guy is doing, just stay quiet in the background.

Ride with us and enjoy the jouney!

Moncler the New North Face ?

Produced in collaboration with Men’s Vogue, the famed French outfitter Moncler brings you the Austin, a limited edition jacket based on the coat the company made for the trainers of the 1968 French ski team in Grenoble. Far from being overstuffed, the royal-blue jacket is slimmed down, but still sports enough high-quality goose down to keep you warm, whatever the wind-chill. Only two hundred twenty of the individually-numbered coats have been made, and the first five are on auction.

Being that we stay inventive here at the Two Grasshoppers we recommend copping this fitted yet flexible winter garment. Three thumbs up!!!

I can't believe I am not butter

Have you ever been in an awkward situation such as:

Being pulled over while your date's head is in your lap?

Getting caught stealing, in front of your best friends parents?

Having Sex with your girlfriend and forgetting to hang up the phone while your other friend listened ?

Falling asleep at a work training session ?

Falling asleep while teaching a class and when you wake up the entire class is gone.

Having hardcore sex with a girl you just met only to realize that it is your best friend's half-sister ?

Looking back at a girl and getting into an accident, hitting an old lady crossing the street ?

Sneezing all over yourself before walking into class to do a presentation ?

Awkward situations are not the best situations to be in, however I guarantee we will all face this at one point of our lives. The best thing you should do in these situations is simply laugh. I mean what else can you do. Life is to short so just take it one day at a time. Everything happens to Everyone. Don't single yourself out or feel that this only happens to you. Make the best of a bad situation and learn from your mistakes. What matters the most is that you live to see another day.

It's Colder Than.....

Well winter is officially here ladies and gentleman and dawm isn't it brisk outside.

I mean dawm how low can you go. During my escape from my work duties I have decided to take a quick break from work and think of some cold comparisons. It's colder than the following:

Colder than January

Colder than Robin Givins Heart

Colder than a Yukon igloo

Colder than eating Ice Cream outside in the Winter

Colder than Ice T's ice grill

Colder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic

To be continued.....

Don't You Hate Stupid People!

Don't you hate it when people ask you stupid questions such as the following:

When it is hot outside in the summer time why do you feel the need to ask me " Hot outside isn't it? " obviously Jack Ass that's why i am in shorts like your dumb ass. This can be applied to all weather types.

Secondly, why do so many men think it is cool to talk to women who already have a man. Didn't you get it the first time she has a boyfriend, husband, fiancee or significant other and she is not going to leave him for someone she barely knows. I understand if she is giving you a vibe like it can be possible, however if she is not going to do it, don't go looking for it or even thinking it is cool to pursue it.

I meet, correspond and interact with so many stupid people in one day it makes me sick.

That is all for now.

Where is it ?...The G-Spot Stupid....

Please click the link:

http://www.thefemalegspot.com/g-spot-stimulation/g-spot-position/

Lyrical but business minded ...

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real. Tupac

A coward dies a thousand deaths....a soldier dies once. Tupac

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*** on. Tupac

You don’t get what you deserve - you get what you negotiate. Jim Jones

For some reason, there's always a crowd full of clowns that love to pull you back. Misery loves company. Jim Jones

Work really hard and apply yourself in a way that when the job is done, you can look in the mirror and say, ‘I’ve exhausted all possibilities. I’ve done everything to make this right’. After that, let it go: It’s out of your control. Jay Z

Don’t make decisions based on the fear. Jay Z

I never allowed my fear to limit me. 50 cent

You can will yourself into a good space. 50 cent

Like from '97 when I started writing, it was full-time. Like every day I was writing music because I had no choice. If I was gonna stop hustling, then how was I gonna provide or continue the lifestyle that I created for my son's mom, my son and myself? 50 Cent

The only thing on a mind of a shark, is eat. Lil Wayne

If you blame something else for your pain then you're an asshole. Lil Wayne

I’m a grinder, I go hard. Sometimes I go so hard, I forget about myself. I might get in the zone and just spazz the f*** out and just go in and wake up a year later and I don’t even know because I just been grinding hard. I’m going to make sure my peoples straight. I got tunnel vision; got my eyes on the prize. I’m not coming up for air until I’m where I’m supposed to be. Young Jeezy

Success is achieved and maintained by those who try and keep trying. LL cool J

Keep it moving. Dizzee Rascal

Live life to the full and don’t give up on your dreams. Dizzee Rascal

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do To Be Able To Do What You Wanna Do. Rick Ross

After you get up and go to work for twelve years without a paycheck or one hooptie, of course you get frustrated. But me being the hustler I was, I just sucked it up and took those bumps and bruises. And here I am today. I turned a mixtape into millions. Rick Ross

When you are running, there is a little voice in your head that tells you that you should quit. It says you’re too tired, your legs hurt, your lungs hurt. If you can learn how to defeat that little voice in your head, then you can learn how to not quit when things get hard in your life. Will Smith

I’ve never really viewed myself as particularly talented, where I excel is ridiculous,sickening work ethic. While the other guy is sleeping, I’m working. While the other guy is eating, I’m working. Will Smith

The first step before anyone else in the world believes it is that YOU have to believe it. Will Smith

I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be outworked. You may be more talented than me. You might be smarter than me. And you may be better looking than me. But if we get on a treadmill together, you are going to get off first or I'm going to die. It's really that simple. I'm not going to be outworked. Will Smith

When I started in movies, I said, 'I want to be the biggest movie star in the world.' The biggest movie stars make the biggest movies, so [my producing partner James Lassiter and I] looked at the top 10 movies of all time. At that point, they were all special-effects movies. So Independence Day, no-brainer. Men in Black, no-brainer. I, Robot, no-brainer. Will Smith

Sometimes you feel tired,feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength and just pull that s**t out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse. Eminem

You can do anything you set your mind to. Eminem

Conquer your shyness. Kanye West

To use is necessary. If you can't get used, then you're useless. Kanye West

Don't wait till you die to go to heaven. Rza

I’m going to learn from other men’s experience. And this is why we’ve got Bibles and Korans, and Bhagavad Gitas, and books like that. Because we’re getting other people’s experiences. So we’re getting access to this mind, so that our bodies can benefit from it. Rza

-Article courtesy of http://www.mycomeup.com/ - This website is HUGE!

SNOW DAY!!!

Today the city should declare an official snow day, well at least for the non-essential services.

Everyone should be free to go snowboarding ... shovel their driveways, make snow angels (if that's you thing) ... lay in bed all day (with that special someone, or your latest fling) ... order in food (so yes I guess the pizza man is an essential service) ... go snowmobiling (if you live in an area where thats the thing to do) .... or anything else you can do BUT WORK!

There must be studies on how low the productivity is on days like today when people straggle in to the office late because of the road conditions, because they slept in and are blaming it on the road conditions, because they were cuddling with their lovers and blaming it on the road conditions, or got into a fender bender because of the road conditions. When they finally get into the office and get settled it already mid morning, still need to get your morning coffee and chit chat at the watercooler about how bad the roads were on the way in and then go around the whole office discussing how long it took each person to get in.

By the time they actually pick up the file they need to be working on, it's nearly lunch time, and since it a "snow day" and their manager is "working from home", they take the opportunity to take an extended lunch beginning at 1130am with an end time yet to be determined.

Coming back from lunch sometime in the mid afternoon, they start to estimate when would be the best time to leave for the day to avoid being stuck in the afternoon rush hour traffic. Settling on 300pm, they check their emails, facebook,horoscope, sports highlights, gossip news, credit score, IQ, facebook, weather report, email, gossip news, weather and log out for the day.

So really?! Is there really a question of productivity on these "snow days" I guess not, because at least your staff is in the office and accounted for. At least they are there and available to answer the phones if a customer or client calls in, at least there is a full parking lot when people drive by so it doesn't appear as though your office observed a snow day. There is some productivity that comes of these days.

After all I'm at work writing this post.

Top 10 Unattractive Male Qualities

1. Dirty Clothes
2. Dirty Shoes
3. Smoker's Cough
4. Smelling like cigarettes
5. Make rude or raunchy comments consistently
6. Do not say please or thank you
7. Yelling or Shouting
8. Pass Gas or Belch without regard
9. Flirts with anyone and everyone
10. Fat

The Office Christmas Party

I wish I went so I could give you all my informed opinion about this yearly ritual but I couldn't bring myself to do it. At least I can give you my honest take, as I always do.

For some reason the idea of schmoozing with my co-workers, who for the most part share nothing more in common than work, doesn't appeal to me. Trying to talk about everything else but for some reason the conversation always coming back to work.

Guy:"Thats a nice tattoo you have on your inner thigh, can I see it?"
Girl :"Oh, it's a cherry blossom tree. It runs up my thigh and around my pelvus ... Do you know what I hate, how Todd in IT is always tattooing the walls of our cubicles with "How to's" and "Frequently Asked Questions."

Me:"WHAT?!?!"

Pissing and moaning about one character or another, gossiping about office hookups or crushes, or everyone getting drunk and disorderly under the guise of having a "good time". It all seems very rehearsed to me.

Girl #1: "I hate how Molly is always trying to talk to George. Doesn't she know that's MY work husband? B!tC&!!"
Girl #2: "Eff Molly and Eff George ... literally ... hahaha ... now let's get some shots."
Girl #1: "Wooooo!!! ... shots shot shots"

Me: "WHAT?!?!?"

Why do people feel obligated to be friends with their coworkers? They must genuinely enjoy this persons company and convesation. They likely find that they do not spend nearly enough time together at work and that they'd love to extend their interaction after hours.

Don't get me wrong I'm not in opposition to people being friends with their coworkers, hanging out after work or even having a relationship with their secretary, boss or cleaning lady. I just wonder if it can be considered a real friendship. Would it still exist if either of or both of you no longer worked there?

Tiger Woods is Paying Wife $ 5 Million to stay with him?

C'Mon Son Pt.5

Enjoy the weekend, I know we will.

This weekend like many other weekends ... we suggest the following:

1. enjoy the break and time away from work
2. do something you wouldn't normally do
3. sleep in
4. have fun
5. be safe

PS. If you're in TO, RIDE is out in full force for the holidays, so beware.

Old people trying to act Young

Todays candidates were thought of during my off-time here at work. In today's up and coming times I have noticed that I am not getting any younger and with everyday that passes alot of my child hood heros and mentors are all old ass hell still trying to act young. Here are a few of them listed below. Please feel free to add more if you like.

1) LL COOL J
2) Birdman
3) 50 cent
4) Jay-Z
5) Christian Slater
6) Luke Perry
7) Bow Wow (yes Bow Wow)
8) Marquise Houston
9) Snoop Dogg
10) Seth Greene
11) Jim Jones
12) Anyone on the show desperate housewives

So Your Just Gonna Act now huh ?

I am tired of many things in life, however I am particularly tired of fake people and their fake ass attitudes.

Let's start with this one.

1) Women let's keep it 100 % real. If you do not like someone or in particular something about a person. Why not confront them about it and give them your honest opinion. I hate women who demand honesty from you and can't even be honest with themselves let alone another friend, family member or stranger. If you don't like someone let them know and if you are brave enough let them know why.

2) Men lets keep it 100 % real. If your boy is doing back flips, cartwheels, spins and loop di loops for his average looking girlfriend who is a pain in the ass, tell them. He is better off knowing that she is annoying, controlling, manipulative, has low self-esteem and frustrating from you. If you consider yourself a real friend you need to keep this in mind before you are so quick to judge others without letting them know why they are making themselves look like an idiot.

3) What is up with everyone being afraid to turn off their cellphones now a days. Its like they feel they are abandaning their family,friends and the entire outside world. I am going to be honest, I could not care less if my phone rings or does not ring. I was cool with going to places to see my friends or family anyway. Put the dawm phone down, get in your car or jump on the bus and physically have a conversation with someone. Makes me think ? What did we all do before cell phones were affordable ?

4) Communication is key. If you do not know how to effectively communicate with someone about who they are or who you REALLY are for that matter, there is a problem. Too many people act like they want to know the truth and when you give it to them start to a) cry b) get upset c) feel attacked d) never speak to you again e) play it off f) call you rude. Listen the truth is only for the brave and if you want the truth you have to be prepared to get it.

5) Be yourself. There is nothing worse than someone acting like someone who they admire or who they think they should be. I mean it is great to have role models and people you aspire to be like, but at the end of the day there is only one you. I hate to see people walking around acting like someone they know they are not and then pretending like they don't care about anything or anyone else has to say when in reality you know they do. Women are so guilty of the " I don't want to look like a whore" excuse that they actually suppress their sexual urges which end up coming out anyway. I really don't understand it myself but it just felt that I should put it out their.

"You shouldn't throw stones ...

... if you live in a glass house. If you've got a glass jaw, you should watch your mouth." -50 cent

I find it very interesting and more so ironic how people are so unforgiving and offended when someone else does the wrong thing and gets caught. The same wrong thing that they themselves are accustomed to doing. All of a sudden now, seems like they feel since the other person has been exposed they have been absolved of their sins and wrong doings.

Confused as to what I'm talking about? Here are a few examples...

1) the office flirt and admitted cheat (who won't leave her live in fiance/common law husband because they have pets together although she no longer loves him), has an opinion to give on the "adulterous Tiger Woods" and how "he should be ashamed of himself"

Umm .... really? You lost your opportunity to give an opinion when you started sleeping with Lenny from Accounting.

2) the overweight guy at the gym who spends all the time talking and socializing instead of running the Boston Marathon on the treadmill or climbing to the top of the CN Tower on the stairmaster, has an opinion to give on Charles Barkley gaining a lot of weight since he retired and Al Roker having his stomach stabled saying "go to the gym, if I can do it then so can you"

Umm... really? If your favorite waitresses from all of your favorite restaurants didn't workout at the gym, would you even be there?

3) the girl/chameleon/shapeshifter/makeup monster who is your friend by association, more of an acquaintance, questions your opinion of a beautiful woman at the party who you are about to approach, asking, "Does she really need to wear all that makeup? I'm sure she'd be prettier without it?"

Umm ... really? REALLY? You're opinion doesn't matter. You took a part time job at MAC makeup in the mall to get discounts on makeup, even though you are a successful lawyer making 6 figures a year. Your makeup collection has it's own room. The movies contact you to do the makeup for Aliens part 17. Your own mother doesn't recognize you some days ...

I'm done ...

At the very least I hope this was an education for some of you.

What do you guys think? Can you relate to what I'm talking about? Does the lady at your church who matches orange with purple and brown always have something to say about what "Miss Molly is wearing"?

Did you get the memo?

"Big girls need love too" (We've all heard this saying before.)

I strongly believe that some of the best and most giving lovers are the ones of the overweight variety. Well allow me to clarify and expand on that statement. Not just the overweight, but also the B-, the 7/10, the girl next doors, the librarians and the sort of cute girl from your office.

All those woman who are usually passed over in favour of the slim and sexy, can't take home to momma, 15/10, Grade A, librarian outfit wearing, "damn she's fine!" type girls.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure some of the supermodel types can throw down between the sheets, but I doubt it! I strongly believe that the majority will think that they're looks and beauty is "enough", that they don't need to do or say anymore.

On the other hand, the more "regular chicks" or "around the way girls", are much more accommodating, easy going and eager to please their mate, friend and lover. They know that they may not be the most physically attractive or most outgoing or attention grabbing, but they make up for it in any way they can. This should be applauded!

There's a lot to be said for someone who is eager to improve and excel in areas that they have control in rather than dwell on things they have no control over.

There's a lot less to be said for someone who is resistant to change, because they think they are perfect as they are and have no room for improvement.

So which would you prefer? Sexy and lazy? or Descent and eager?
Would you be ashamed to bring home that worker bee because she doesn't look like the queen bee?

Granted nothing that I've said is absolute, because there are some attractive woman who are great mothers, caregivers and even cooks. Oppositely, so too are there less than attractive woman who are terrible cooks, work mothers but think they're god's gift. So beware.