It's Colder Than.....

Well winter is officially here ladies and gentleman and dawm isn't it brisk outside.

I mean dawm how low can you go. During my escape from my work duties I have decided to take a quick break from work and think of some cold comparisons. It's colder than the following:

Colder than January

Colder than Robin Givins Heart

Colder than a Yukon igloo

Colder than eating Ice Cream outside in the Winter

Colder than Ice T's ice grill

Colder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic

To be continued.....

SNOW DAY!!!

Today the city should declare an official snow day, well at least for the non-essential services.

Everyone should be free to go snowboarding ... shovel their driveways, make snow angels (if that's you thing) ... lay in bed all day (with that special someone, or your latest fling) ... order in food (so yes I guess the pizza man is an essential service) ... go snowmobiling (if you live in an area where thats the thing to do) .... or anything else you can do BUT WORK!

There must be studies on how low the productivity is on days like today when people straggle in to the office late because of the road conditions, because they slept in and are blaming it on the road conditions, because they were cuddling with their lovers and blaming it on the road conditions, or got into a fender bender because of the road conditions. When they finally get into the office and get settled it already mid morning, still need to get your morning coffee and chit chat at the watercooler about how bad the roads were on the way in and then go around the whole office discussing how long it took each person to get in.

By the time they actually pick up the file they need to be working on, it's nearly lunch time, and since it a "snow day" and their manager is "working from home", they take the opportunity to take an extended lunch beginning at 1130am with an end time yet to be determined.

Coming back from lunch sometime in the mid afternoon, they start to estimate when would be the best time to leave for the day to avoid being stuck in the afternoon rush hour traffic. Settling on 300pm, they check their emails, facebook,horoscope, sports highlights, gossip news, credit score, IQ, facebook, weather report, email, gossip news, weather and log out for the day.

So really?! Is there really a question of productivity on these "snow days" I guess not, because at least your staff is in the office and accounted for. At least they are there and available to answer the phones if a customer or client calls in, at least there is a full parking lot when people drive by so it doesn't appear as though your office observed a snow day. There is some productivity that comes of these days.

After all I'm at work writing this post.

Top 10 Unattractive Male Qualities

1. Dirty Clothes
2. Dirty Shoes
3. Smoker's Cough
4. Smelling like cigarettes
5. Make rude or raunchy comments consistently
6. Do not say please or thank you
7. Yelling or Shouting
8. Pass Gas or Belch without regard
9. Flirts with anyone and everyone
10. Fat

The Office Christmas Party

I wish I went so I could give you all my informed opinion about this yearly ritual but I couldn't bring myself to do it. At least I can give you my honest take, as I always do.

For some reason the idea of schmoozing with my co-workers, who for the most part share nothing more in common than work, doesn't appeal to me. Trying to talk about everything else but for some reason the conversation always coming back to work.

Guy:"Thats a nice tattoo you have on your inner thigh, can I see it?"
Girl :"Oh, it's a cherry blossom tree. It runs up my thigh and around my pelvus ... Do you know what I hate, how Todd in IT is always tattooing the walls of our cubicles with "How to's" and "Frequently Asked Questions."

Me:"WHAT?!?!"

Pissing and moaning about one character or another, gossiping about office hookups or crushes, or everyone getting drunk and disorderly under the guise of having a "good time". It all seems very rehearsed to me.

Girl #1: "I hate how Molly is always trying to talk to George. Doesn't she know that's MY work husband? B!tC&!!"
Girl #2: "Eff Molly and Eff George ... literally ... hahaha ... now let's get some shots."
Girl #1: "Wooooo!!! ... shots shot shots"

Me: "WHAT?!?!?"

Why do people feel obligated to be friends with their coworkers? They must genuinely enjoy this persons company and convesation. They likely find that they do not spend nearly enough time together at work and that they'd love to extend their interaction after hours.

Don't get me wrong I'm not in opposition to people being friends with their coworkers, hanging out after work or even having a relationship with their secretary, boss or cleaning lady. I just wonder if it can be considered a real friendship. Would it still exist if either of or both of you no longer worked there?

Tiger Woods Ass Whooping?

Did Tiger Woods wife go ape shit on him with a golf club. I don't know about you, but Tiger Woods does not have the balls for this one. I mean what? He cheated on his wife? I didn't know Tiger Woods had the balls to do this honestly. Well for all of you doubters out there who thought that he wasn't Black enough. There you have it folks Tiger Woods is officially black.

However, he is being let off the hook though like a white guy would. LOL!

This just in...November Turn-Offs

Women wearing tight pants with panty lines.. (shiver)

Women with big feet (shiver)

Women with dry feet bottoms

Women with No Bum...like absolutely no bum at all.

Women who smoke cigarettes

Overly arrogant females who think they are too pretty.

Loud black girls

Women who wear too much make up

Sloppy drunk women

Women with dirty shoes

Women who talk too much or too loud

Men who wear tight pants like " I didn't know True religion mades spandex?" tight.

Men who have dry lips that crack and bleed.

Men with bad breath..this can also apply for the ladies side too.

Men who are overly aggressive with their ladies

Men who yell at women....period

Men who dress like a Nerd's but are not Nerd's at all

Men who act black, but clearly are not black or close to it.

Talking black...what the fuck does that mean.

All MY Independent Ladies!!!

Hey It's Me again the Salty One....Mr.Sean Salty Sax.....

I have decided to post this for all my Independent Women out their who have their own living space, own car and make their own money. I like to see a women who has her own and uses more than what God gave her to make it through life's good times and bad times. However, what these Independent women do not tell you is that although they are paying for these things on their own and making their own way in life, their credit is ass backwards and they do not have enough money to take you on a date. I love the fact that women of today are so independent and confident in themselves that in some social circles you may hear the following comments being blurted out....

" I don't need a man to make me happy!"

" That guy is so broke, he couldn't even pay for my dinner, the movie after and the gas to get us there. Plus it was our two week anniversary and since I bought him a gift, he did not offer to buy me anything. "

" I need a man who has a real job"

and blah blah blah blah blah the list goes on.

Well ladies, I am here to speak about some of these concepts, wants, demands, requests, prayers, wishes, threats and suggestions with this article " All My Independent Ladies" .

It is the year 2009 and women of today can afford their own material items. Gone are the days where men pay for their tuition fees, car insurance, clothes, transportation costs, cell phone, credit card bills and any other Western "needs" that the mainstream media has brainwashed them with thinking they need. "We can get it on our own Y'all!!"

Gone are the days where women need you to pay for the movie and dinner and maybe, just maybe they will give you some pussy if they think you deserve it. Gone are the days where, you pay for her hair and nails to get done. Gone are the days where you change the oil on her car and take her to get her windows tinted on her car, plus pay for the tint job because you know why? She is an independent woman.

If that is the cause all you independent women I challenge you in reversing the gender roles and paying for everything on your own ( Yes that does include Daddy's money also he is a male, too sorry!!! No money from Daddy on the low either)

The funniest thing about this entire concept which may be foreign or even offensive to some of you women out there is that they do not let anyone know that their parents pay for half of if not all of their material goods and/or finance all of their independent ventures. I have decided to add a significant example, that alot of women aspire to be like or look up to for her business mind and musical talent.

Beyonce LOL! Yeah I said it B-E-Y-O-N-C-E...

Her Dad was her manager and now her Husband Shawn Carter a.k.a Jay-Z is her manager, independent my ass. She is as independent as long as she keeps making her dad and Jay-Z money. Check Mate~


That is all for now....the blogger you love to hate. Mr. Sean Salty Sax.

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty!!

This has got to be one of my most favourite random phrases of all time. I equate this phrase with things that are random or akwardly take place throughout our day to day activities.

1. You get caught staring at your bestfriends girls chest and they both catch you looking
2. You fall asleep at work and your boss wakes you up
3. Your girlfriend catches you cheating on her with her sister
4. You get into an accident with a cop looking back at a female on the road
5. You get accidentally pee on yourself during a washroom break during your first date
6. Your parents catch you high or drunk coming home from a party
7. You trip down the stairs at work in front of your entire department
8. Your boss calls you out for flirting with his wife during a staff party
9. Your friends ugly relative can't stop flirting with you and persistently wants to talk to you
10. Your wife's mother secretly hits on you and she makes a blatant pass on you

The Latest And Greatest Pick Up Lines

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed Rock-

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

I wish you were my homework, so I could do you on the table.

And Yes for the beer drinkers-

You're so Hot, you're making my beer warm.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk passed you again.

Is that the sun coming up- or is that just you lighting up my world?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could be at this same place next year- together- and laughing?

And one of my favorites-

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.

Funny Reasons to Get Married

From the man's perspective:

Sex
personal slave
key locator
wallet locator
food preparation
lunch packer
child nurturer
phone dialer
family birthday reminder
schedule coordinator


From the woman's perspective


stability
love
Body guard
Someone you can fart in front of and not get embarrassed
Lawn boy
Car Mechanic
ATM
Someone to confide in
Taste Tester for your cooking
Body Warmer

Suspect

Do you have friends who look like this?

Have you ever met someone who makes you think he is straight?

I am not too sure about this fellow right here he makes me nervous?

For all the crazy things he does throughout his musical career he does not have the gull to be wearing Michael Jackson outfits and

throwing temper tantrums like a five year old brat.

This week's suspect award goes to Kanye West. C'mon Son.... really.

Men SHOULD have sideburns not women?

Hey how you doing?

Today's post come from the mind of a man who sees things as it is and says it how it is...nothing more, nothing less. Most of these ideas, jokes and concepts come from riding public transportation and passing time by people watching. Now for all of you who do not know what people watching is let me quickly explain this to you. People watching is when you fall back and watch people walk by you and you observe their character by looking at their actions or even their conversation if you are close enough in proximity.

Well this morning during my usual people watching on the subway on my way to work, I noticed something rather disturbing almost annoying if you will. Women with sideburns..... yeah I said it, " I meant it and I am here to represent it". Women with sideburns is not only disgusting but makes me feel less of a man because your side burns are two times the size of mine with depth, color and longevity. All jokes aside really though " Why are your side burns so dawm long and thick" it makes me wonder, are they there for sexual purposes. In the heat of the moment do you yell at your partner " PULL MY SIDEBURNS, BITCH PULL MY SIDEBURNS!!!!"



As I sat there staying into space this ladies sideburns caught my hair, (no literally I turned around to look at someone and her sideburn clipped my eye! Makes me think of Wolverine or Ashanti in her earlier days. Now ladies if you have thick sideburns and are sitting there reading this offended or insecure this is a sign to cut that shit down, wax it, shave it, take a lawn mower to it or just tape it up Fuck I don't care what you do just get rid of it. I suggest if you have long hair just wear your hair down, man do something. Who are you Elvis ?

That is all.

What I really mean is......Ladies pay attention Pt.2

Hey y'all it's time to get ready for another episode of " WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS?"

1) That's what your wearing- Please don't wear that you look awful
2) I am tired- I am not horny at all
3) I have work in the morning- It's time for you to go
4) I am not like other guys- I am exactly like other guys, but I feel it is important to say this
5) Stop being a bitch- Stop sticking up for yourself and let me be in control
6) What?- Are you an idiot
7) Forget it- You really are an idiot
8) I will call you later- I certainly won't call you until I am horny....later
9) Maybe we should be friends- Your neediness is a turnoff
10) Why are you so emotional?- You are turning me off with your constant need for reassurance
11) That's your sister?- Wow! I should have talked to her instead
12) Nice shoes- I would really like to fuck you in those
13) I really like your jeans- I would really like to take those jeans off of you
14) You have nice lips- Nice lips for some head


Ladies these are just some of the things I have said, heard or hear on television frequently. What do you think?

Arnold Schwarzneggar Impersonation funny as hell

DMX AND ARIES SPEARS SKIT!!!

People I would punch in the face with no hesitation!

1. Rush Limbaugh
2. Terrance from 106 & Park
3. George Bush
4. Trey Songz
5. Anyone who is openly racist
6. Richard Simmons
7. Steve Urkel ( I know, but he was so fuckin annoying)


That is all...

This Thanksgiving!

First and foremost I want to say that my Thanksgiving was great!!

It was full of good times and conversation. I learned many things throughout this weekend filled with food, fun and relaxation. One of the most important things I learned this weekend was to Pace yourself. Pacing yourself in anything is a great way to ensure longevity, endurance and most importantly consistency.

In moments of eating Turkey, taking sips of alcohol and watching television I came to the realization that the holidays is for family. Family is so important these days, especially due to the amount of deaths in the last few years. Family is where you come from, it is your culture, race and overall understanding. I have spent the last few days with family and have noticed that my family is rich in culture, cooking and humorous conversation. Just to name a few.

As we ate, drank and absorbed the holiday events I realized the importance of family, and also how we all take life for granted. Moments like this make me realize that life is short so enjoy the moment while it lasts. Don't waste time making plans that never follow through, or talking about things that you know in your heart you will not fulfill. In my opinion, WE SHOULD ALL PUT OUR FEARS ASIDE AND SAY WHAT'S ON OUR MIND. Otherwise sit back and enjoy your Turkey. TURKEYS!

Happy Holidays!

Have You Ever.....

Have you ever been....

1. Been caught having sex in an a public place?
2. Been caught taking a leak in a public place?
3. Been caught smoking by your parents?
4. Been caught stealing?
5. Been beaten up ?
6. Been caught speeding by the police?
7. Been caught somewhere you weren't supposed to be?
8. Been caught eating your girlfriend's father's dinner?
9. Been caught making out with your girlfriend by her parents?

Public Service Announcement: Bicthassness Cont'd....

Warning if you or someone you know has the similar symptoms you may be a infected with this new disease: Bitchassness..... For all you ladies you are lucky, this disease can be only found in weak willed men. So if your brother, boyfriend, friend, cousin, work associate, uncle or anyone else is infected with this disease please refer to the following symptoms:

1. Overly Emotional

2. Lack of Self- Confidence

3. Overly Indecisive

4. Obsessive Compulsive behaviour

5. Unreliable

6. Sensitive ( extremely)

7. Takes Long to Get Ready to Go Out

8. Regularly Needs reassurance

9. No sense of discipline

10. Their Girlfriend or Partner Makes all the decisions

11. Overly Moody

12. Reliant

13. Dependent

14. Obsessed with their image

15. Spastic

16. Always argumentative about the smallest of issues

17. Won't stand up for their Girl if someone is attacking the both of you or just her

These are just some things I thought of on the fly. Stay tuned for pt. 3. Until then

keep hopping Grasshoppers.

Warning this Is Annoying: Who is this GUY!"?"!?

Everyone has an opinion I guess... and with the internet, they also have the outlet to broadcast it.

I say we give this guy ... umm... 2 days .. and then his rant will be removed.

DOOORAG though ... really? I thought those went out with BRAIDS!

And why is his shirt off ?

We will Give you 10 Seconds before you stop this video and move on.