10 Reasons to Date A Soccer Player

*~*Top Reasons To Date a Soccer Player*~*
1. We have the right touch.
2. We are used to scoring.
3. We can go in soft or hard.
4. We will make you scream for more.
5. Sweating is no problem.
6. Skill is definite.
7. We will play anywhere and anytime.
8. We can go for 90 minutes in at least 11 different positions.
9. We have tremendous stamina & endurance.
10. We always are on the top.
11. We are not afraid to get down and dirty.
12. We have good ball skills.
13. We play the field until we score.
14. We know how to take it down the middle.

Whats with the Nerd Glasses?

Hey Point Dexter, Hey Urcle !!!

What is with the Nerd glasses these days who are you Clark Kent or Wayland Smithers?

In the last year I have witnessed peoples glasses get thicker and thicker and now they look like black licorice around their eyes. I have witnessed numerous people walking around with these on and it makes me wanna wear them now. SYYYYKKKEEEEE!!!
I literally cannot stand them it makes me wanna sucker punch you.

This has been another rant from Two Grasshoppers.

Men SHOULD have sideburns not women?

Hey how you doing?

Today's post come from the mind of a man who sees things as it is and says it how it is...nothing more, nothing less. Most of these ideas, jokes and concepts come from riding public transportation and passing time by people watching. Now for all of you who do not know what people watching is let me quickly explain this to you. People watching is when you fall back and watch people walk by you and you observe their character by looking at their actions or even their conversation if you are close enough in proximity.

Well this morning during my usual people watching on the subway on my way to work, I noticed something rather disturbing almost annoying if you will. Women with sideburns..... yeah I said it, " I meant it and I am here to represent it". Women with sideburns is not only disgusting but makes me feel less of a man because your side burns are two times the size of mine with depth, color and longevity. All jokes aside really though " Why are your side burns so dawm long and thick" it makes me wonder, are they there for sexual purposes. In the heat of the moment do you yell at your partner " PULL MY SIDEBURNS, BITCH PULL MY SIDEBURNS!!!!"



As I sat there staying into space this ladies sideburns caught my hair, (no literally I turned around to look at someone and her sideburn clipped my eye! Makes me think of Wolverine or Ashanti in her earlier days. Now ladies if you have thick sideburns and are sitting there reading this offended or insecure this is a sign to cut that shit down, wax it, shave it, take a lawn mower to it or just tape it up Fuck I don't care what you do just get rid of it. I suggest if you have long hair just wear your hair down, man do something. Who are you Elvis ?

That is all.

Creative Halloween Costumes

Every Halloween theres always that one costume that stands out above the rest.

Here are some that caught my eye. They are interesting to say the least.

Apple vs. Coffee

If you're anything like me, you start your day off with a cup of coffee or tea. Something hot and soothing and that gets you going in the

morning. Now, although coffee and tea provide you with antioxidants, they also contain tannins that interfere with the body's absoption of iron. Iron, as many of us know helps to form red blood cells and circulate

oxygen throughout the body, in turn, giving us more energy. So, next time you need a "pick me up", as I call it, try an apple. The natural sugars from an apple will help you to maintain your energy levels throughout the

day, instead of feeling even more tired than before once the sugar rush wears off from the caffeine in the coffee or tea you just drank.

Just a thought.

Have you ever wondered if the five dollar bill in your wallet was ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, I'm sure you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

Lesson: Always wash your hands, especially after dealing with money.

Previously I was unaware ... but now I know.

What's the difference between a joke and a lie?

Has anyone ever had you believe something that was not true for an extended period of time, then to say once you confront them about it ... "it was a joke".

That's not a joke, that's what you call a LIE.

To me ... a joke is meant to be shared and enjoyed at the time it is made (except for those slow people who get it a few hours later). (ex "What did the hand say to the face? SMACK!")

Conversely ... a lie is stating something opposite to or in direct contradiction to the truth.

I know I've been guilt of saying the most random ridiculous things and to help the audience feel less offensive, break the tension with a "just joking". But that's completely different.

Ex. "I want to have a threesome with you and your sister."
"What?!?!?"
"Just joking"
-funny-

Versus

Ex. "I think I might have given you something, you should go to the doctor right away and get checked out, because I'm on my way now ... I'm so sorry"
"Damn! Ok thanks for the heads up."
(Week or 2 later)
"Did you get checked out? haha ..."
"Yeah I did, whats so funny?"
"Hahaha ... I was only joking."
-not funny-

Heads up to all lying jokers. The next person who tells a joke lie to me ... I'm going to calmly raise my hand from my side, if in that time you don't realize what is happening, I'm sure you soon will.

Bathroom Etiquette

Lesson #1 - while I'm standing at the john, holding my manhood, this is not the time to ask me: How my day is going? What I'm doing for the weekend? What's this discoloration? Can I help? Why you so big? or any other question of that nature. As a matter of fact, you should say nothing! I've heard people compare "taking a leak" to having sex (in terms of the release and feeling of relaxation). Keep that in mind, when you think to "make conversation" while I'm trying to relieve myself.

Facts Every Woman Should Know: Part I

1. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your

physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership.

2. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and

are unwilling to forgive, break their own hearts.

3. Don't judge ALL men by one man's actions; unless you want ALL

men to judge you by the acts of amoral women.

4. Never allow emotionally bitter women to influence you

concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred will soon become

yours.

5. Don't deceive yourself, once you have had sex with a man who is

not your husband...he may never admit it but he has lost a degree of

respect for you.

6. Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity

and vibrant personality will never be able to change him. If you are

trying to change him, this should be a clear enough sign to let him

go.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE.................

What I really mean is......Ladies pay attention Pt.2

Hey y'all it's time to get ready for another episode of " WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS?"

1) That's what your wearing- Please don't wear that you look awful
2) I am tired- I am not horny at all
3) I have work in the morning- It's time for you to go
4) I am not like other guys- I am exactly like other guys, but I feel it is important to say this
5) Stop being a bitch- Stop sticking up for yourself and let me be in control
6) What?- Are you an idiot
7) Forget it- You really are an idiot
8) I will call you later- I certainly won't call you until I am horny....later
9) Maybe we should be friends- Your neediness is a turnoff
10) Why are you so emotional?- You are turning me off with your constant need for reassurance
11) That's your sister?- Wow! I should have talked to her instead
12) Nice shoes- I would really like to fuck you in those
13) I really like your jeans- I would really like to take those jeans off of you
14) You have nice lips- Nice lips for some head


Ladies these are just some of the things I have said, heard or hear on television frequently. What do you think?

Words of Advice

Is there anything more trendy right now then ...

• nerd glasses?


• mohawks?


• skinny jeans?


• retro gear?


• wallet chains?


• white girls?


• listening to Drake?


• bandito neck scarves?

... not that there is anything wrong with this, just asking questions. Actually, no there is something wrong with this, you look like if Kanye West, Kid Cudi, the Jonas brothers and Chris Brown had a love child.

When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, theres only one person you'll see. YOU!

Today's words of advice are: "Be yourself."

1 Plus Two makes Three

Is it wrong for me to want another woman in my relationship? This has been the question of many males for generations.
In many ways this question has been answered by doing various underhanded things or even overhanded things to accomplish this.

I have always been aroused by the thought of having two wives, that's right I said it, meant it and am here to represent it WIVES!
It would be the next best thing to having a black man's penis. First of all, having one woman that you love, trust and grow with on every level is amazing. It saves you so much time and money wasted on dating, updating your material goods and in some cases grooming yourself continuously. I am fortunate enough to have found that special someone who I plan to spend the rest of my life with. However, there is that little fantasy in my mind that is still roaming around my self-conscience asking me
"why not another?"

Now ladies before you go off into a speech about men and how we are unreasonable or then " why can't we have two husbands?" think about this concept for a minute.

1) You will always have a partner to help clean, dress and take care of the kids
2) On nights where you are tired and want to get some rest have the other wife fuck your husband
3) Dinner Sminner you can now both share the responsibilities
4) On Birthdays and Christmas you can now get double the gifts
5) Sex will be that much more pleasurable because you can have somebody to hold your hair while giving felatio
6) You also have an excercise partner when its time to go to the gym
7) You can not only share your husband but share each others clothes (Yeaaaahhhh!!!!)
8) No more worrying about doing your hair you can do eachothers
9) Car pool to work in the morning
10) Thanksgiving dinner just got more interesting

These are just some ideas I have been kicking around in my head and there are many more reasons...

Now for men come on do I really have to write a list for you?

Stay tuned for the reasons why this would benefit for men... The post will be called " Two wives to One Guy for Dummies"

Andrea Sorres: Workout regime and Brazilian Models

Have you ever ???

• been heartbroken


• (knowingly) broken someones heart


• been cheated on


• cheated on someone


• lied and even when caught continue to lie


• blamed someone else when you were to blame


• kept quiet when speaking up could have helped someone else


• lied about a sexual conquest


• lost you temper because you were rejected (by the opposite sex)


• stalked or overpursued someone you liked (until they lost interest)


• claimed to be something you're not


• tried to fit in at the expense of being yourself


• hidden from someone in a public place


• pretended to be on the phone to avoid talking to someone


• pretended to be on the phone to "look cool"

Aries Spears Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation

Arnold Schwarzneggar Impersonation funny as hell

DMX AND ARIES SPEARS SKIT!!!

AZ- Gimme Yours Throwback Video of the Week

This Week's Hottie's