F*#\ the double standards.

When a female is angry, frustrated or annoyed with you, in their minds, this is a free pass to say or do anything they please, regardless of how rude or disrespectful. This may include any or all of the follow: hang up the phone, walk away from the table in the middle of a restaurant, raise their voice at you, hit you, spit in your face or confide in another man. What many of these woman fail to realize is the possibility that you did not intend to offend or upset them and even more that you may not be aware that you have done so.
At the very least, I think woman (anyone really, but lets focus on woman right now), should speak their mind in a healthy open way, letting their friend, lover, partner, husband or concubine know their feelings or opinion.
Arresting someone who may be guilty of nothing or of many crimes is unjust especially when they are unaware of what crime they have committed and more so if the laws are unknown. Imagine being arrested, detained, castrated for not putting down the toilet seat, being too nice to your girlfriend’s friend, making a joke that she didn’t find funny, smiling to the cashier, mortgage broker, dental hygienist or any female person in the world, without the expressed written consent of your girlfriend or wife, ridiculous right?
I thought so.
Ladies I ask you to check your egos at the door. Stop thinking you can get away with murder because of the power you possess between your legs. While you’re a woman, I’m a man, this does not negate the fact that in order for us to coexist in a civil, loving, progressive way, we need to treat and respect each other as equals and communication is key!

Did you get the memo?

"Big girls need love too" (We've all heard this saying before.)

I strongly believe that some of the best and most giving lovers are the ones of the overweight variety. Well allow me to clarify and expand on that statement. Not just the overweight, but also the B-, the 7/10, the girl next doors, the librarians and the sort of cute girl from your office.

All those woman who are usually passed over in favour of the slim and sexy, can't take home to momma, 15/10, Grade A, librarian outfit wearing, "damn she's fine!" type girls.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure some of the supermodel types can throw down between the sheets, but I doubt it! I strongly believe that the majority will think that they're looks and beauty is "enough", that they don't need to do or say anymore.

On the other hand, the more "regular chicks" or "around the way girls", are much more accommodating, easy going and eager to please their mate, friend and lover. They know that they may not be the most physically attractive or most outgoing or attention grabbing, but they make up for it in any way they can. This should be applauded!

There's a lot to be said for someone who is eager to improve and excel in areas that they have control in rather than dwell on things they have no control over.

There's a lot less to be said for someone who is resistant to change, because they think they are perfect as they are and have no room for improvement.

So which would you prefer? Sexy and lazy? or Descent and eager?
Would you be ashamed to bring home that worker bee because she doesn't look like the queen bee?

Granted nothing that I've said is absolute, because there are some attractive woman who are great mothers, caregivers and even cooks. Oppositely, so too are there less than attractive woman who are terrible cooks, work mothers but think they're god's gift. So beware.

Maybe I'm wrong and the club or bar IS the best place to find your soulmate.

Am I the only one sick of the same old night life?

Clubs are full of makeup covered, perfume drenched over gel'd, sloppy drunk males and females.

Many of the women do not want to be approached, smiled at, or even within a few feet of the men. The men do not want to do anything other than approach, smile at and be within a few inches of the women.

The music is playing too loud for you to even clearly understand a person's name, "Candy? Sandy? Mandy? ohhh Denise", let alone have a real conversation. (I used to love loud music, all the time, I had a system in my car that used to set off car alarms as I drove down my street, seriously). So what does that leave, sexual and physical attraction ONLY.

Let me tell you when I was in my late teens and early 20s that was not more than enough, that was IT! "Me like her body" to which her reaction in my mind was "Me like his body" and from there it was all over except for the awkward morning after.

I know I've gotten older because that caveman mentality has faded. Don't get me wrong, I still have primal, animalistic attractions, desires and urges like anyone else, but there's got to be more to it, right?

Girls say, "I go to the club to dance and have fun with my friends." To which I must declare, BULLSHIT. Sure you dance amidst ogling the men and suggestive staring over at them with your come hither eyes, until one of them tries to talk to you and you tell them you're not interested, have a boyfriend or are married.

I used to wonder why, but then I figured it out, girls, love to feel like they can still attract a man, even if they are in a long term committed relationship or even lesbian for that matter. They just want to know that IF they were interested, they could have a man. We call that "ego-trippin'".

Men on the other hand, didn't just come out to dance or have a drink, well sometimes they just come out for a drink, but rarely. The only time you ever find me in one of these establishments is for a friends birthday or if I've been convinced and foolishly comply to the "Give it a try, it's not that bad, this place is really different, it's nice!"

I've always wondered if there are many stories at weddings or to children when asked, "How did you guys meet? or Where did you meet mum, dad? that start off with, "I was standing across the busy club and saw her standing on the bar shaking her goodies" or "She was standing in the kiddie bath tub in the middle of the bar water dripping from her body, as she raised the beer mug she had just won in the wet t-shirt content."

Random Video of the Day.

The concept of this video was well executed ... take a look.

He's being too nice, something's up.

I was talking to a lady friend of mine and she let me in on a little secret about you ladies.

She told me that in a relationship many woman are constantly under the impression they are being cheated on and that's just based off of their own insecurities. She went on to explain that when guys do nice things like buy flowers, surprise them with a gift or take them some place nice, this exacerbates this feeling as they think he is trying to make up for "doing wrong".

If he's being too nice, chances are he's cheating. Really????

I was like "WOW!", but then I thought about it, I wasn't really shocked by what she said, I just thought it was kind of dumb and kind of funny at the same time. If you take a this situation at face value, this suggests one of two things:

1. "Men, go out there and cheat." - Why? Because in her eyes you already are. So why not have some of the pleasure to counter the cold shoulder and sexless bed that awaits you at home. Don't feel guilty, because you're just doing what she expects of you.


2. "No more Mr. Nice Guy." - You always hear the cliche "nice guys finish last", but it really seems like it's true (in this situation at least). If you are a genuinely nice guy and you do and say nice things, because that's just how you feel, she likely thinks you're a male sex worker outside of your relationship, so ease up on the niceties.

Conversely, you can be patient with your lady and teach her and help her to learn to trust you. This does not mean you calling, texting, bbm-ing, sending smoke signals or Morse coding, giving her the play by play of your life and every move you make when you're not with her. But, instead, being open and honest in your relationship. Some of her insecurities you can help her to overcome, others she will have to work on herself, just be there to support her.

Seeeee..., That Guy has a sensitive side.

This one is for the ladies ...

I have a serious question for all the ladies, if he's doing it to her or he did it to her, what makes you think that he won't do it to you?

I know I sound like an audience member on Maury or Tyra, but seriously, think about it.

I've heard stories of woman who meet a guy and start to fall for him or develop feelings, only to realize or later find out that he is married. (What would you do?) Those of you not in the situation will obviously answer emphatically, "End it!", but would you? The most recent story I can remember, she didn't end it because he convinced her that things with the wife were not good and that they were separated (but living together) and ultimately going to divorce.

Some of the female readers are reading this thinking, "Ok, so what's wrong with that?". The male readers are smiling to themselves, because they know where the guy is coming from, he's telling her what he knows she wants to hear. Think about it, would she be happy, comfortable or feel more relaxed if he said, "I just want to have a sex filled, adulterous affair with you for 1 month and then we can each return to our normal lives, pretending we never met." Probably, not!

So, believing and confiding in what he said, she continues to date this married man for weeks, months, years, until she soon realizes that he has not yet left his wife, he still lives with her in the same home they share with their child and while he makes time for her, he is not hers. While he tells her that he loves her and wants to be with her, buys her nice things, he is not making the moves necessary to commit to her.

But, again we come back to the original question or why would you want to be with him, in a long term, committed relationship? Are you so full of yourself to believe that he would cheat on his wife and disrespect his family, but not do the same to you when the honeymoon is over? When the excitement and challenge of having a mistress is gone?

Ultimately you have 2 choices, continue to be the loveless concubine or move on. I challenge you ladies to trust your instincts and to think with your mind and then your heart.

It's hard to see into the distance if you have an obstructed view, it's even harder if you don't open your eyes.

Gossip Guy?

I think the modern man, gossips more than the woman.

Actually no wait, what we men do is not gossiping, it's more shit talking, bragging, boasting and trading war stories.

Woman gossip, questioning what someone at work was wearing, how her date stayed in the corner all night at the party, why would she cut her hair like that, the colour of her nails, the curvature of her eyebrows and on and on and on.

While the men I know are not quite that bad, yet, they do tend to have similar conversations: poking fun at their muscle bound friend who buys XS shirts, questioning the manhood of their friend who lets their girlfriend walk all over them, making fun of the mohawk hair style that one follower friend just had to get, questioning if any friend that has recently started going to the gym is on steroids or discussing peoples relationships starting with "If I were him, I'd...".

Now that I think about it, I wonder if this is in fact a problem of gossip or passing on information or more so one of JEALOUSY.

Actually no I don't wonder, I know that it is. The world or more so the city we live in, its one of people not being happy for you, what you have? are doing? Instead, questioning why you have what you have? or how you got where you are? how you got with that girl? did you really get with that girl? why you have more money than I? why you dress so fly?

I say be happy with who you are, instead of being jealous of someone else, let what you see in them be motivation if you want to attain or achieve the same success or material gains. As you move through life remember that if you think that you'd rather be someone else, realize that if you were to change places with someone, know that you would no longer have your problems TRUE, but you would then have their problems.

This holiday seasons film recommendation: Trading Places (w/ Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd).
While it's a comedy there is a lot to be learned from the events that transpire in the movie.

Do you really remember or you making it up???

Does anyone really remember their first kiss, the way it really happened?

I'm of the impression that people create memories in their mind. Call me a cynic but it's just something that I've noticed. Facts and truth are quickly distorted by fantasy and imagination.

When asked about a memory or an event in their past depending on the personality of the individual they might say "oh it was nothing special" and chances are it wasn't or they might say "it was amazing, the best ever!", to which I call BULLSHIT.

People (usually females, not always but often) have majestic stories about their first kiss, or romantic encounter. But get real, like most firsts it was likely, no it was definitely: awkward, uncomfortable, nervous, forced, bad, awkward, uncomfortable, unfamiliar and over before you knew it.

Yet, in their memories or at least in their story telling it goes a little something like this:

"It was a beautiful summer day... we were sitting on a grassy hill looking at the star, no watching the sun set and as it lowered over the horizon we stared into each others eyes lovingly (at 13) , as our heads moved closer and closer together, we each tilted at the perfect angle and our lips collided in harmonious bliss. Once the ecstasy was complete we dusted our bums off got onto our pedal bikes and rode home."

...but really, it went a little more like this:

"It was an overcast day in early fall ... we were walking home from school a few paces behind our group of friends, as we almost got to my street, he quickly grabbed my head and laid the most disgusting tongue wet, pepperoni stick scented, dry lipped kisses on my upper lip and partially opened mouth, before any of them could look back and wonder what was going on. No sooner had he lunged head first into mine, I was walking up my driveway face still wet and air drying, in disbelief and disgusted at what had just happened."

When I think about this phenomenon ... I don't believe its a conscious thing for people to lie about the past or their memories, I think it's more that they recount stories the way they would have liked it to be. However, that is not reality, nor is it your true history.

So next time someone is recounting their epic journey from virginity to womanhood and you can't help but snicker or question it's validity, know that you're not alone, I don't believe it either.

Dating Etiquette

I know there is dating etiquette that is shared and understood by all, but what about those ambiguous situations or gray areas that make you question or wonder, "Is this ok?".

For example ...

• Is it wrong to date a girl and then later date her friend?


• At what point does "dating" several people become "cheating"?


• Is dating someone in your workplace really that bad? Really?


• What about dating someone that works at your workplace and then later dating someone else that works at your workplace? (or class at school)


• Dating a friend of your brother or sister?

At the end of the day, I'm sure that everyone has their own definition and morality of what's "right" and "wrong", but I can't help but wonder.

All of these situations are either personal to me or I've had friends or family who have faced them.

I think of it this way, what if your soulmate just happens to be your bestfriend's cousin's sister? Should you not pursue the future mother of your children, just because she works with you and sits next to your ex-girlfriend's mother?

Will you be my boyfriend???

I can't help but feel bad as I slither out of yet another "situation", I call it that because it's not a relationship. This is the fun, learning, getting to know someone, honeymoon, sometimes awkward stage between first meeting someone and becoming a "couple" or moving on. That inevitably meets a cross roads at some point.

I've often questioned why woman always needed to know "where we stood?" or "what we were?" or "what I wanted from them?", "where this was going?" and many other questions of that nature that seem irrelevant to me. Why irrelevant, because neither of us are psychic or able to see into the future to predict where this relationship will go and I'm sure that if we both want it to grow or to be more than what it is now, it will be. Have PATIENCE!

It's interesting how a few words can change things so drastically for better or for worst.

Until I meet Mrs Right, I guess I will continue to be a "heart breaker" or "ladykiller" ... not intentionally or with any mal intent or negative feelings, but because in life we all have to do what is best for us, and more than that we are all self-fish because no matter how hard we try we can only see the world through our own eyes. I would rather end this budding relationship if i don't see a future or realize we want different things, then to waste each others time or lead you on to believe that we are going to be something that we're not.

So in short ... no I won't be your boyfriend "just because". Sure we can chill, hang out, have fun and go on dates. Will I be honest with you and let you know this is how I feel? OF COURSE. Will I lie to you or lead you on, NO. Will I make you cry, maybe, but NO, not intentionally anyways.

Top 10 Reasons Woman want a "Boyfriend"

1. they are comforted by the feeling of commitment
2. they like saying "my boyfriend did this" or "my boyfriend is that"
3. because it's better than saying "my bed buddy"
4. long for the security of having someone to count on
5. gives them something to do or look forward to
6. enjoy the challenge or project of changing him
7. because all of their friends have boyfriends
8. they can stop taking care of themselves (physically)
9. the hunt is over, they can relax
10. being single suggests there is "something wrong with them"

Why Women Cheat

While writing up the last article "Why Men Cheat" I came up with this one as well. Sorry ladies I could not leave you out either!!!!

Men pay close attention because if your not careful it could happen to you.....

1.they're boyfriends or husbands neglect them and leave room for someone else to make them feel special!!

2. they're not being satisfied

3. they men they are with are closed minded

4. Boredom and lack excitement

5. They have been cheated repeatedly

6. They're boyfriends are too controlling

7. Immature

8. Jealousy

9. They lack self-control and self-respect

10. They find someone else who makes them feel appreciated

Why Men Cheat!!

Over the years I have met, spoken, kissed, hugged, stroked, touched, pleasured, pounded and entertained many women. Some were friends, some were confidants, some fuck friends, some were classmates, some were school mates, some were girlfriends, some were wanting to be girlfriends and on and on and on....

Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) I always seemed to find myself in situations where these females eventually "wanted to know what they are to me?" or my favorite " where is this going?" which often left me disgusted, confused and annoyed with not only them, but myself. It was like I was on a never ending cycle of breaking hearts, letdowns and watching beautiful women cry in an ugly way. It took me years of ruining many women's lives to realize that just because females are predictable enough to manipulate into sexual situations and positions did not give me the right to take advantage of them and abuse their trust like I did. I have been cheated on before and it hurt me real, real bad (well more so my pride).

As time went on, I became disgusted with not only my behavior, but the overall concept of what a female considered a "Girlfriend". I mean let's be serious. What is a girlfriend anyway. Isn't it a female friend to begin with?

Webster's Dictionary defines that word as: a frequent or favorite female companion.

So with that in mind, if a man has two or three frequent or favorite female companion is that wrong?

A lot of women would say Yes....and the real one's would say No it just depends on the situation.

I really don't understand... I guess what I was doing was wrong because these females of favorite female companions did not know about one another and if they did would immediately make me choose. Which is why I decided lie, cheat and manipulate in and out of them so smoothly.

Looking back on my past fast life, I realized the error in my ways and have decided to live a transparent, honest and loyal life. Gone are the days of chasing females and looking for a new mate in my bed. No more late night creeps, no more lying to women and definitely no more double headers ( sex with one girl in the afternoon and another in the evening)

With all that being said, I honestly think that most men cheat simply because women are in abundance and if you had the choice of choosing two beautiful women that most men would marry right now today. Why not have them both. I mean if you are lucky enough for both of them to love you and treat you like a king, who in their right mind would give that up (unless they make you choose)

Moreover, many females are bitter towards this ideology and seem to be upset when their boyfriends cheat on them. They then adopt the male perspective and get greazy having as much sex as possible with as many guys as possible. This is completely understandable, however what these females fail to realize is that these men are liable to get you pregnant and their is nothing worse than a lazy baby daddy.

To all my women out there who love to date black men...... If you are dating a black male you have to understand the history behind them. African men culturally had more than one wife and many concubines. When we were stolen from Africa in the late 1700's-1800's and displaced all over the world we kept that mentality and still live by that free-spirited mentality today, regardless of what society or the media has to say about us.

Not every black man cheats and not every cheating man is a black one. But put it this way, we sure as hell know how to get women and women love us for some reason... so you make the decision. For all my filipinas, white girls, West Indians and latino's you know what I am talking about.

So to wrap up this never ending blog I will now post the Top 10 Reasons why men cheat:

1. Because we can
2. Men Love Women
3. Fear of Commitment
4. Lack of Honesty
5. Lack of Discipline
6. Lack of Self-Esteem and Self Respect
7. Immaturity
8. Men are insecure
9. Jealousy
10. Lack of Self-Control

Embrace your inner crazy ... but don't indulge in it.

I have this long standing belief that every girl is crazy and that when searching for a mate, it's about finding one who's "crazy" you can live with.

(Note: I only refer to girls being "crazy" because I'm a male, I'm sure woman refer to men being "crazy as well, as shit they're probably just as bad, if not worst)

That being said, lately I seem to meeting the craziest of the crazies that this planet has to offer. People who have convinced themselves that we're destined to be together for all eternity and are desperately trying to convince me of the same. (Sorry madame, I'm not buying it.) There are others who after a few weeks hanging out occasionally or catching a movie, that this is an admission of love or commitment. I can't help but question how. Then there are others who would like you to pursue them and court them and get the heck out of here. You haven't even presented or established yourself as a catch, but you want me to chase and hunt you like a prized peice of meat or trophy fish? Not going to tell you it's not going to happen, but it's not likely. If you are coming off as high maintenance and we haven't even gone out yet, things are not off to a very good start.

Some of your are thinking, "Well ... it's probably because you lead these girls on and then break their hearts." Let me start by first asking ... "what does that mean?", can an adult of sound mind and body be "lead on" or encouraged to do something they know is wrong or at least not right for them? I don't practice hypnosis or cult like brain-washing practices, I swear but to meet these girls you might call me a liar.

I know some may not like what I've just said, or question what's wrong with what these people are doing, hear me out. I love woman! My ideal woman is the well kept librarian, who once she whips off her glasses and puts her hair up can play football or basketball with me or go from the ballroom to the couch without missing a beat. Someone who despite her beauty and put together appearance, pulls it all off effortlessly.

Maybe this woman of my dreams exists and maybe she does not and I should just settle for the least crazy of the crazies. (And I'll buy that shirt and wear on my first dates.)

People always wonder when they're in a relationships ... "If she the one for me?", "Could he be my knight in shinning armour?" or "Will they be there for me through thick in thin?".

We at twograsshoppers have developed a foul proof way to figure this out.

Instead of agonizing or worrying about "the signs" that you've met the man or woman of your dreams, stop, take a step back and wonder to yourself, "Would I go on the reality show The Amazing Race with this person? and How would we do?" (If you've never seen the show then rent, borrow or buy the DVDs and see for yourself what I'm talking about.)

If after a moments thought, the answer comes back "YES!", then this is the person you should be with, because they will undoubtedly hold you down and stick with you through difficult and trying times.

Like any aspect of life in relationships there will be sunny days as well as dark stormy days, times when you'll think to yourself "FML" (ef my life). The difference will be that when life's host hands you $100 and says "make this last you for the next week, while completing these challenges", you'll look to your partner and figure out how to make it happen.

Random Video of the Day!!!

"Yoooooou ... you got what I neee-ed..."



This is one of the most recognizable songs of all time.